6 months, 3 days and 18 hours
by TrainToAlaska
Summary: AU. Post Driven (7x01) what if Castle disappeared for 6 months instead of two and left Kate pregnant with his child? What will happen when he wakes up and discovers his whole life has changed.
1. Chapter 1 - I missed it all

**Just a random story I felt like writing. It's probably been done a few times but oh well. I hope you enjoy and happy Castle Monday! (ph and for the record, I am not from England, nor from another English speaking country so if there are any grammar errors I'm sorry. I do this strictly for fun x)**

"6 months, 3 days and 18 hours" Kate whispered to herself. Her eyes fixated on the hospital room in front of her. Her slender fingers fidgeted with the diamond engagement ring on her finger as her hands were gently rested on her protruding belly.

It took her a while before she found out she was actually pregnant. She was too focused. Too grieve stricken and under constant stress trying to get the love of her life back that she had missed all the obvious signs. It actually had been Martha who had become suspicious of the symptoms Kate had been having and forced her to take a pregnancy test. It was positive. Panic had surged through her body but Martha assured her of what kind of blessing it was, that she now had a piece of him and from that time on Martha had been her rock. Alexis too of course, she had formed a very special bond with the young red head as well but Martha was the only person that could slow her down, get her to take care of herself, to actually eat and sleep.

The little life growing inside of her had now become her focus - her reason to go on and even on the worst days when she couldn't even get herself out of bed she knew that she always had this perfect little mix of her and Castle that whatever happened or was gonna happen in the future she always had this bond with she won't have with anyone else. Her last shiver of hope.

But as months seemed to pass by with little-to-no clue to where her fiancé was and not knowing if he was even alive. That same hope seemed to slip away as fast as the size of her waist kept expending.

But now he was there, in front of her, _alive_ , actually _alive_. The doctor had told her some details her brain couldn't even register. He hadn't seen her yet; she had kept her distance just to make… sense of it all. A strong kick from inside her womb shook her from her thoughts and she placed her hand on the exact spot. She didn't even want to think of all the things Castle had missed of this pregnancy, how much he would have loved it and be with her every step of the way. Hell she didn't even know how to tell him _now_.

Kate took a deep breath, rubbing small soothing circles on her belly "it's ok, baby" she whispered as she finally got the courage to take a step closer. She buttoned her coat barely masking the bump. She didn't want to overwhelm him immediately; she needed a little more time so when she shakily buttoned the last one of her coat she carefully walked towards her long lost fiancé and into the hospital room.

His eyes were closed, giving her a little more time to just look at him. Observe him. He didn't look too bad, a little disheveled and a slight sunburn but not as bad as she had imagined in her head all these months. She sat next to the bed and held his hand, softly squeezing it. She couldn't believe she actually got to hold his hand again, her slim fingers entangled with his.

Castle slowly started to stir. His eyes fluttered open, his head dropped to the side as his blue eyes immediately locked onto her brown ones. Kate felt like she couldn't breathe. She had missed those baby blues so much as he cracked a smile, forming happy lines around his eyes.

"Hey" he just said. Reminding her the way he would say it every morning when he would wake up next to her, but at the same time oh so different.

Kate swallowed her eyes back and faintly smiled back "hey" she carefully answered.

Castle tried to sit up but was too weak to actually do so and with a sigh just staid in the same position "just so you know, the doctor said kissing will speed my recovery" cracking his famous smile.

Kate sighed and slowly shook her head "kissing can wait, Castle"

"Right. Sorry, I guess I put a little kink in our wedding plans" he answered as if they were talking about something minor as forgetting to do the dishes.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" as his answer triggered a surge of anger through her body.

"What do you mean?" Castle asked confused.

"I mean, tell me what happened."

"I was on my way to the wedding and this black SUV"

"No, no. After that."

"After the accident?"

"Yes, after the accident"

"I was here"

"No, before here, Castle. You were found in a boat at sea. A boat that you apparently stole?"

"What are you talking about? A boat? No, I was in a crash. With a black SUV. And then I woke up here."

"No, tell me what happened in between."

"Nothing! I mean, I – I don't know. I was unconscious."

"So the black SUV and waking up here. That's all you remember?"

"Yes, right. Why?

"You've been missing for six months."

Castle looked at her stunned "six months?" he repeated her "that's… Impossible" and shook his head in disbelieve.

Kate just looked at him. Her mouth slightly ajar not knowing how to respond. "Trust me, it's been six months" as she placed her hand on her growing baby bump that was invisible to Castle as she had been sitting strategically next to his hospital bed.

Castle kept shaking his head "no, no it's not true. I had the accident with the SUV and then I woke up here. If this is a joke please stop. It's too cruel"

Tears sprung in Kate's eyes "you wanna know something cruel?" as she stood up furiously unbuttoning her coat that was the only thing left hiding her bump "you were gone for six months. I had no idea where you were. You want your evidence-" and undid the last button - her coat flaring open, revealing her almost 7 month old pregnant belly "here is your proof" tears stinging in her eyes.

Castle gasped. His jaw dropping as he took in her new silhouette.

Kate immediately regretted her action and stood closer to him grabbing his hands and moving it to her bump. He was still speechless as he gently and slowly started to touch her stomach.

"You are- you're pregnant?" he stammered.

Kate nodded, tears were streaming from the corners of her eyes now but she didn't care. "Almost seven months" she responded softly.

Castle was finally able to drag his eyes away from her stomach, his hands still firmly on the bump as he looked at her "I- I swear Kate, I don't know what happened, six whole months?"

"Six months, three days and 18 hours to be exact"

Castle just nodded. Trying to take in all the new information. Feeling a small thud against his hand soon interrupted his thoughts.

"Whoa" he answered and a small smile appeared on his face. Forgetting their weird situation for a second.

"He's been kicking up a storm lately" Kate answered as she moved his hand to where their baby had been more active.

"He?" he repeated her.

"It's a boy" she answered him with a faint smile "I found out a few weeks ago"

Castle let go of her stomach and rubbed his face "I missed it all. _I missed it all_. I'm so sorry Kate I have no idea-"

Kate leaned into him, as far as her stomach let her, and kissed atop of his head "it's ok" she answered, tears still rolling down her cheeks "we'll find out, I promise"


	2. Chapter 2 - Six months can't break us

**Hi guys, first of all I wanna thank you all for following, favoriting and leaving reviews on this story! I've only gotten positive reviews and I love you for it! Also just a reminder before reading. I am actually Dutch so not English so if there are any grammar errors I am really sorry, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Reviews are appreciated (they keep me motivated). Enjoy! x**

Castle looked at his fiancée. Pregnancy definitely suited her. Her face looked fuller, her body rounder and her hair was even shinier than it was before. Which Castle thought was actually impossible.

She was lying on her side next to him in their bed entangled in various pillows and blankets just so she was comfortable. Her hand was resting just below the curve of her belly as if she was protecting it.

After a day or two of spending in the hospital they finally let him return home. But even though to him home felt like he had been there yesterday, there had been this undeniable huge 6-month gap that didn't look the part but it was tangible in the air. Mother and Alexis were happy he had come home but they were politely laughing at his jokes, constantly asking if he was doing fine and basically walking on eggshells around him. It got tiresome very quick. But he knew he deserved it, he left them with no explanation, no warning and the guilt started to eat away at him.

The worst though, by far, was the hurt he had caused his fiancée. There was this aura of pain and confusion surrounding her and even though she kept assuring him it was 'ok' and that it wasn't 'his fault' he could just feel it. It was _that wall_. That wall he had been trying to break brick by brick over the last couple of years before she could finally let him in. That same wall that was shattered as soon as she had burst through his door, soaking wet by the rain, and she had kissed him. And the fact that _he_ was actually the one that brought back that wall… He couldn't forgive himself for that. Ever.

She hadn't kissed him, well not on the lips, yet. She hadn't really hugged him either and her touches were reserved.

Castle stared back at her; he didn't even really care why and how he disappeared anymore. He now wanted to be there for her – and their baby. God _their baby_ it was still so surreal. But she needed to know she wasn't alone anymore that he was with her every step of the way.

Castle carefully reached out his arm and gently touched her belly, slowly flattening the palm of his hand against the t-shirt clad surface. It was his shirt - stretched tight around the ever-growing bump and a faint smile appeared on his face as he felt his eyes water. He wasn't really a crier but the thought of all the things he missed broke his heart.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered both referring to the woman lying next to him as the actual baby she was carrying. His tone was soft, careful not to disturb her so she would wake up. But he had no such luck as he suddenly felt his hand being touched by hers, her slim fingers entangling with his. Feeling the cold metal of her engagement ring against his skin. Goosebumps spread over his body.

"You need to stop apologizing" she voiced as she gently squeezed his hand. Her eyes were still closed but a small, slightly forced, smile formed on her face.

"I don't know if I can" he answered her after a long pause.

Kate opened her eyes "let's- let's just focus on the future ok" before closing them again.

"Kate-"

"Hmmhmm" she answered sleepily.

"Why haven't you kissed me yet? I mean really kissed me?"

Kate's eyes shot open and she looked into his baby blues. She opened her mouth but no words came out.

"Is it because-"

"I'm scared Castle" she interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

"Scared?"

Kate nodded nervously. A bit surprised at herself that she blurted it out like that. She blamed the pregnancy hormones.

"What if it isn't there anymore? What if the thing we had. The electricity, the chemistry. What if it's gone?"

Castle smiled as he had shimmied himself closer to her, his stomach slightly pressed against hers. Secretly missing how he could just hold her tight in his arms without the 'barrier' in between.

"Kate, I know it's been hell and I can't even imagine what you've been through. I don't even know what I would do if you went missing for all those months but I know one thing"

"What?"

"Six months can't break us"

Castle's nose was now brushing against hers. Their hands still entangled as he could feel her warm breath tickling against his skin. Kate slightly wetted her lips and tilted her head. Giving him the softest, most gentle kiss he'd ever gotten from her. It almost reminded him of his actual first kiss he had as a young boy from his first little girlfriend. So hesitant and innocent. But even though it was gentle and soft he could feel the sparks rush through his body. Just like it did the first time and all those times after that. And he knew she could feel it too. He didn't deepen the kiss though. No it was actually perfect. He could feel the corners of her mouth curl as her lips were still pressed against his.

"You're right" she said relieved after she had broken the kiss "-it is still there"

Castle brushed some loose strands from her face and smiled at her "don't ever doubt that, Kate"

"I just can't loose you again Castle. If it wasn't for Martha, Alexis or this baby I don't know what I would have done. If I'd-"

"Don't think like that. I'm here now, I promise I won't leave you again"

Kate slowly shook her head "don't promise me things you can't possibly know"

Castle nodded "Ok, let me rephrase that." Pursing his lips in thought. "Kate, I'm here to stay. For you, mother and Alexis, this baby and the ones that'll follow after you squeeze them out" he said as he wiggled with his eyebrows. Lightening the mood like only he could.

Kate huffed and smiled "let's just focus on this one before we talk about adding any more, ok?"

Castle nodded "sure, I just needed to see you smile again"

Kate's unforced smile soon turned into a frown again and she took a deep breath "we're gonna be ok right?"

"We're gonna be amazing. Whatever happens."

"Always?" she said, biting her bottom lip as she finished his sentence.

Castle nodded "always".

The pair of them took a moment to just look at each other. Kate almost couldn't believe after all those lonely nights curled up in his old shirts, just so she could have his smell around him. That now, he was actually there, right in front of her. And all she wanted was to kiss him, hold him, and make love to him. But she couldn't. Not yet anyway. She wasn't ready.

"You know, It's just a shame I knocked you up before we got married" Castle said, breaking the silence as he pulled her closer. Kate grunted. She was still very uncomfortable with her belly, which always seemed to get in the way and she turned around. Her back pressed against his chest. Castle let out a sigh in relieve, knowing that this way her way of giving him more access to her. He wrapped his arms around her torso and rested his arm on her stomach his hand rubbing soothing circles on her belly.

Kate shrugged "it's ok Castle, we've never been the conventional types anyway".

 **thanks for reading! I'm trying to keep chapters smaller so I can upload more frequently :) x**


	3. Chapter 3 - Baby steps

**Ok, ok I know it took me way too long to upload this. But ya know it's almost twice as long as the previous chapters so I hope that makes it up to you all :) Enjoy!**

A gripping panic surged through her body "Castle?" she called out and reached out beside her in the bed. Tears sprung into her eyes. _It was empty. The bed was empty_. But she quickly noticed after fumbling with the sheet next to her that they were still warm so he couldn't be far away. Her rapid heartbeat slowed down and she let out a sigh of relieve knowing it was just a bad dream, he was still with her and she rubbed her watery eyes.

Waking up seemed to be the hardest thing lately because she still had that split second of doubt that caused her to panic whenever she opened her eyes from her slumber. Sleeping itself, however, could be equally as traumatic as dreams of his disappearance kept haunting her.

Kate brushed away the sticky strands of hair that had clung to her face. She knew she had to find him first, get him into bed with her and feel his body pressed against hers, before she could fall asleep again. So with a sigh she hoisted herself up, which had become increasingly harder to do as the size of her midsection kept expanding, and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress, placing her bare feet on the cold floor. Not even bothering to put her feet in her warm slippers as her sleep clouded brain just wanted to find him.

"Castle?" she called out again, shuffling through the rooms of the house. She knew exactly where to find him and so she did, in his office, he was sitting in his chair behind his desk. Clearly in deep thought, leaned over, his arms resting on his knees as his hands covered his face.

"Castle, _hey_ " she said softly, knocking on the already opened door, standing still in the doorway.

He looked up at her, his eyes were red rimmed with exhaustion and dark circles had formed under his eyes but as soon as he saw her he couldn't help but smile. She looked so gorgeous standing there. There was a faint light coming from behind her, probably one of the lights she had turned on to find him. She was wearing this maxi-dress nightgown type of thing made from the softest cotton that with its grey and black horizontal stripes accentuated her ever-growing baby bump even more. Her hair was pulled to the side and the shiny strands of curly hair rested on her shoulder and he _swore_ he never seen her look more beautiful. Which he knew if he said to her right now, she would smack him, or roll her eyes.

"Hi" he dryly answered. Just noticing how concerned she looked.

"Come back to bed please" Kate whispered.

"I'll be there later, ok" he answered her and smiled faintly before turning away from her.

Kate sighed. She wasn't satisfied with his answer and walked closer to his slumped down body. He was hiding his face behind his hands again. She went to stand in front of him and brushed her fingers through his unruly hair, gently tugging on it so he would look up at her without having to say anything. His blue eyes met her green ones.

Castle kept silent, he just looked at her. She kept on soothingly brushing her fingers through his hair. The way her fingers massaged his scalp send shivers down his spine.

She was standing _so_ close to him that his face was only a few inches from her protruding belly. Castle softly caressed the left side of it, following the curve with his hand "he's asleep?" he softly asked, not feeling any movements.

Kate nodded, smiling softly "yes, and so should we"

Castle shook his head "Just go ahead, I'll be right there"

Kate smiled again "you know, I kind of like having you sleeping next to me in the bed, having you back and all…"

Castle didn't even crack a smile at her joke; it only made him feel guiltier than he had already been feeling. Kate instantly noticed and she pulled his face back up again "please tell me what's wrong"

Castle closed his eyes for a few seconds and sighed before opening them again "I don't get how you can forgive me Kate, I can't even forgive myself leaving you like that… on our wedding day for six whole months I just…" he shook his head "I don't even have clear answers for you, the evidence doesn't add up. How do you have _this much_ faith in me?"

Kate could see his eyes glistening with tears that were highlighted by the dim city light outside the window as she herself felt her eyes water. She took a deep breath and swallowed her tears down.

"You know it was _you_ who had taught me to look further than the evidence. So I did. _I love you_. And I love this little life we created together. I just always knew, _always_ , that you would never leave me like that. Not like this. Not on our wedding day. So that's how I kept faith"

Her eyes didn't lie; they were watery with tears but so full of love that he needed to bow down his head. Not feeling like he deserved that kind of love from her "but how do we move on from this?" he eventually asked.

Kate took a few seconds to think but then smiled "baby steps Castle, let's just take one day at a time ok? Maybe focus on the baby and let life just fall into place"

Castle nodded slowly and grabbed her hand, spinning the engagement ring around her finger. "But we can't just pick where we left off right?"

Kate shook her head.

"When we're ready"

"Yes, when we're ready" she repeated him.

"I missed so much, Kate" as he placed his hands back on her stomach.

Kate placed her hands on his, gently squeezing them "I know, but there is so much more to look forward to. I'm just so happy you're back" she whispered.

Castle stood up, leaned in for a kiss and faintly smiled "let's go to bed"

* * *

Castle shuffled into the kitchen. The morning sun bathed the apartment in a warm delicate light. It was early, _too_ early. But he knew he had to make up to her since last night. With his fingers he lazily brushed through his unruly hair that was peeking in different directions. He shook his head trying to get himself to wake up as flipped on the coffee machine that after already a few minutes filled up the loft with its familiar scent.

Castle started smiling, he wanted to surprise her with her favorite: _pancakes_. It was his go-to breakfast food for them. He wasn't actually _sure_ she really loved his pancakes or that she just loved them because it was just _their thing_. Anyway it didn't even matter because he knew whatever happened she'd always love his pancakes. And god knows they needed some familiarity.

"God, I miss coffee so much"

Castle quickly turned around. Kate was standing next to the kitchen island. She was clothed in her bathrobe that was tied just above her bump in a neat bow. Her belly was protruding from the fabric causing it to flare open. Her right hand was supporting her back as she used her other hand to disguise her yawn by covering her mouth. Her curly strands of long hair gorgeously disheveled.

Castle pouted "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed" pointing at the tray on the kitchen counter with already the morning newspaper on it accompanied by a tiny flower.

Kate smirked "well I'm glad I stopped you"

"Why?"

Kate smiled and walked towards him "the baby doesn't like pancakes" as she pointed at the pancake batter in his hand. Her nose scrunched in disgust even thinking about it.

"Oh, um, I didn't know" Castle stuttered a bit defeated. _No pancakes then_.

Kate could see the disappointment in his eyes "I'm sorry Castle, It's not that-"

Castle shook his head and silenced her with a quick peck on the lips "it's ok, I'll make you something different"

Suddenly things felt awkward. They were never awkward. Well not since a very long time.

He looked into her worried eyes. He didn't want her to worry about him on top of everything, especially not after last night; she shouldn't have to be the strong one. So he took a deep breath and forced his most charming smile.

"So what do you and this pancake hating baby want then?" he asked in a bit of a forced cheerful manner "I mean are you sure this baby is even mine… Not liking pancakes and all"

Kate ignored his joke, knowing how humor was his coping mechanism "um, some toast would be fine, but babe-"

"Well you're lucky! Because I am actually excellent at making toast!" interrupting her sentence and tossing the pancake batter in the sink.

Kate nodded. She knew her innocent remark hurt him. But before she could mention it again he was already busy preparing her breakfast. His back turned to her again. So she sighed and sat down at the kitchen table.

* * *

Kate looked around. They had decided to start on the nursery as a little project they could to together, hoping it would help them move on a little. So now they were standing in the paint isle of an enormous hardware store surrounded by every color of the rainbow and even beyond that. She knew they were being watched. The media had been trying to take Castle's picture since his return. He didn't care, already used to being 'famous' but she found it highly intrusive and it made her uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable than she already was with the baby resting so low on her bladder.

Castle was waving a fan with different paint colors in front of her face "So which of these blue's do you prefer? This one is a little more pastel and-"

Kate pushed the fan, which was irritatingly close to her face, away from her "Castle, isn't it a bit too soon to gender stereotype our child? Its not even born yet"

Castle's eyes flared open, not expecting her to answer like that. Her green eyes looked serious as her arms were crossed in front of her chest. Giving him the look, _the look_.

"I, um-" he muttered as he tried to come up with a response.

But Kate's annoyed facial expression quickly turned into a smirk and she put her hand on his cheek "it's ok, I am just kidding" trying to rid him of his panicked look.

"You can't play with me like that, Kate" Castle grunted, acting as if he was upset but secretly loving how she was joking around. Feeling like they were becoming a bit more _them_ again.

"In all seriousness though, what if his favorite color is pink or purple?" Kate asked, as they were looking at all the color options in the paint shop. Her hand gently rubbing her sore lower ribs, which was the baby's favourite place to kick lately.

Castle shrugged "if he's old enough to actually express that his favorite color is anything other than blue, I'll personally go back here and pick up another bucket of paint and redo his room, I promise"

Kate smiled "I have no doubt in my mind you would"

Castle smiled and tugged her closer to him, putting his hand on her lower back. "So that means you're still on board with the whole 'blue-and-white-with-elephants-theme' for the nursery, right?"

Kate nodded "yes" immediately getting excited with the prospect of the nursery finally being done and flipped through the color fan she had snatched from his hands.

"Good, because I just ordered the hugest stuffed animal elephant on eBay and-"

Kate gasped "what?!"

Castle smirked "you're not the only one that can joke around"

Kate rolled her eyes and hit him with the heavy color fan in her hand "do not stress out a pregnant lady like that"

"I'm _sorry_ " he answered, still a big smirk on his face as he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips.

They hadn't even broken apart yet before they heard the sound of a camera taking their picture. Kate sighed and rolled her eyes. Castle just shook his head. "Alright we're done here, let's go".

* * *

Castle smiled at his fiancée. After they had done some shopping for the nursery she was so exhausted that the minute they had come home she had lied down on the couch and fell asleep. Castle had pulled a blanket over her sleeping body that she automatically curled herself into.

"Oh hello, Mother" Castle said as he walked into the kitchen "hadn't noticed you coming in"

Martha smiled at her son "yeah, you were pretty distracted" and gave him a knowing smirk.

Castle nodded and reached into the fridge, grabbing the box of orange juice and with a big gulp drank from the carton before putting it back.

Martha was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, staring at Kate peacefully asleep on the couch "I'm so happy you're back, not just for me and Alexis, but for Katherine she was so-" as Martha shook her head thinking back on those dark times "she was so lonely"

Castle swallowed "I know, I just- wish I could do something you know. Relieve the pain I caused all of you" as they were now both looking at her.

"Oh we're just glad you're back" Martha answered him - squeezing his hand.

Castle smiled at his ever-forgiving mother "thank you for being there for her, and the baby, I'm sure it wasn't easy"

Martha shook her head "it wasn't. But she's family, including that new grandbaby she is carrying, so naturally I was there for her, she needed me."

Castle nodded "still, thank you" as he looked into her blue eyes "I mean it"

"It's alright kiddo, like I said, just glad you're back"

Martha suddenly noticed all the shopping bags in the corner of the house "you guys have been shopping?"

"Yeah, nursery stuff. The rest is being delivered"

"Oh really, the nursery?" Martha answered him. Castle could hear the surprised tone in her voice.

"Is that so surprising?"

"Well yeah, no, I mean… who suggested it?"

Castle raised his eyebrow "Kate actually, why?"

"It's just that… well we tried, Katherine and I, to set up the nursery when you were gone. And at first it went fine, we cleaned out the spare bedroom, put the stuff in the storage unit but then… whenever she came near that room she burst out into tears saying she couldn't do it, _without you_. So I am just glad that-"

Castle could feel his heart break into a million little pieces "she cried?" he whispered.

"I guess it was just too much to handle" Martha answered as she shook his head "so I'm glad she's over that"

Castle slowly nodded "yeah, I guess"

"She didn't tell you this?"

He shook his head "she hasn't been telling me a lot, really. She's never really been the one to talk about her feelings. We're just trying to get into a good place again, you know"

"I know, I know. Just give her time"

Castle sighed, his eyes back on his sleeping fiancée again "Thank you mother"

"Of course, now stop thanking me, and start on dinner instead, I'm starving"

Castle smirked "alright, will do" and slowly shook his head as his mother walked away from the kitchen leaving him alone with his thoughts. He sighed before pulling the ingredients for tonight's dinner from the fridge wondering if they'd ever truly be happy together again.

 **Thought this story could use a little Martha :) I hope you enjoyed it and i'd love some reviews. Also this story is without a beta, just because I prefer it that way. Like I've already said I am not English (I'm Dutch actually) but I feel like even though I probably make some grammar mistakes it's more my story if I don't use a beta (if that makes any sense) so i'm sorry if it bothers you but yeah. thank you for reading! x**


	4. Chapter 4 - Closure

**Ok, I know, I know, this chapter has been due for aaaaages and I am actually really sorry about that but you know life got in the way, but here it is. I got a bucket load of new inspiration for this story so expect more chapters frequently! Also to make it up that you guys had to wait so long this chapter is the biggest of this story :) so enjoy!**

* * *

She had missed it. The stale smell of coffee, the hustle of her colleagues, the sound of screeching chairs and telephones ringing _._ She didn't even mind doing the paperwork. It was home. Safe. She hadn't been at the 12th precinct in months. When Castle went missing she began using the precinct for his search but soon she knew she couldn't use police resources anymore to find her lost fiancé and was forced to do everything from her own apartment.

But he was back and both of them were desperately trying to find some normalcy in their lives. Castle had started having meetings at Black Pawn again and she returned to her job being a detective. Happy with the distraction as their home life was still a bit semi-awkward. Feeling like they were just dancing around each other lately.

"Hey Beckett, I didn't know pregnancy made women shrink" Esposito said with a smirk as he looked at the detective who had lowered her chair looking quite comically as her arms rested on her desk with case files clutched in her hands.

Kate looked up and rolled her eyes as she wheeled herself away from the desk and pulled the lever so her chair was on its previous height again.

"Well you know, it's better than having to reach over all day because I can't even scoot close to my desk anymore because of this-" as she followed the curve of her very round 7 month pregnant belly with her hand, lovingly resting her hand just below the curve.

Esposito just smiled and shook his head as he placed a steaming cup of tea on her desk and threw her a tea bag, which she easily caught with one hand "shouldn't you be on maternity leave anyway? Spending some time with your long lost fiancé instead of these boring cases?"

Kate shrugged as she ripped the packaging from the tea bag and let it sink into the mug, slowly coloring the clear water "just wanted to make myself useful" she murmured as she turned away from Esposito and kept staring at the slow sinking tea bag, her fingers curling around the hot mug. She really didn't feel like sharing her home-life with him. Especially now that she was so happy with the distraction that work brought her.

Esposito instantly got the hint and placed a few files on her desk "so… we got some results back but nothing seems out of the ordinary… I bet Castle knows what to do with them-"

Kate nodded and reached for the documents her belly pressing uncomfortably against the edge of her desk "yeah, let me look into it" she said as she awkwardly tried to get up from her seat and walked towards the murder board shifting her gaze from the files in her hand to the board. Her tea forgotten.

* * *

It was weird how, sometimes, she could just forget about this little life that was growing inside of her. She still could get so wrapped up into things that she would still jump up when her child made his presence known by sticking out one of his limbs against her uterine wall. She tried to work on that. Be more present. But the cases could overtake her so much that sometimes without knowing she had stood in front of the murder board for hours. Of course she had her boys at the precinct who knew about this particular trade of hers and nudged her when they noticed she hadn't moved, eaten or had something to drink in a while, as they subtly or not so subtly pushed a hot of, very disappointing, cup of tea into her hands.

"Girl, how long have you been standing there?" Lanie's voice said, penetrating Kate's deep thoughts. Kate looked up and blinked a few times "Lanie? Hi, um what are you doing here?" as she stood up straight, her lower back aching with the strain of standing too long.

"Checking up on my, very pregnant, best friend, seeing if she's taking care of herself and my new baby nephew" Lanie exclaimed "but you look like you haven't moved in hours" as she shook her head, still with a warm smile on her face.

Kate smiled awkwardly and massaged her lower back by pushing her palm against the sore spot. "I was just really wrapped up-"

"No excuses, let's go to lunch, just you and me"

Kate protested a bit, but let her friend guide her to the elevator as she shared a look with Esposito who just smiled at the two of them. Kate nodded at her fellow detective who she considered more like a brother. She instantly knew that Espo had gotten worried about her and had texted her friend to take her to lunch. She felt grateful and kind of ashamed at the same time.

* * *

"I don't know Lanie, maybe I was being naïve but I just really thought, having him back, we would just fall back into being us again you know, like we've always been except… for the baby of course" Kate sighed, as she tortured a piece of tomato from her salad with her fork.

Lanie nodded "I know honey, it's hard and it takes time to rebuild trust.."

"Yeah but, it's not like he wanted to go, it wasn't his choice so why can't I just trust him?"

"Don't you think it's because you actually are not sure if it wasn't his choice? Maybe somewhere deep down you are not sure that he did it on purpose, that he is just lying about his amnesia?"

Kate's eyes grew big, shifting her weight in her chair "Because I did the same to him after I was shot?" she whispered.

Lanie nodded, grabbing her friend's hand "yeah, exactly"

"I-I don't know, maybe…" Kate answered, her head bowed in shame. "You know… I ignored all the evidence that said he did this on purpose, that he left me, because I knew that when he returned he could give me all the answers, but he couldn't…"

"-and you can't find some sort of closure?" Lanie finished her sentence "Have you talked about this with him?"

Kate shrugged and shook her head "the only thing we talk about right now is the baby, which is actually my fault because I told him we should just concentrate on the pregnancy and things would fall into place eventually"

"Oh honey, you guys are just distracting yourself"

Kate nodded "I know, I know, like I am doing now with work"

"Well at least you know you're doing that, so you know what to do"

"Yeah but Lanie, I don't"

"Just talk to him! Look, I have never seen people so much in love and in sync like you guys are. You two have practically been married since day one, and gone through so much stuff together… This thing is just another obstacle" Lanie shrugged acting like it wasn't a big deal which made Kate feel like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders "-not to mention you created this beautiful little life together" as her friend gently touched the curve of her stomach and gave her a big smile "just talk to each other" she repeated.

Kate sighed and nodded "you know-" as she lowered her voice "we actually haven't… have done it yet"

Lanie quirked her eyebrow "you guys haven't slept together yet?"

"Lower your voice please, but no"

"But why? I would have thought you would have jumped his bones by now"

"He doesn't even try to, maybe he's not ready" she shrugged "or worse, maybe he thinks I am just this maternal thing right now…"

Lanie smiled and shook her head "Don't you think that's maybe because he thinks you're not ready?"

Kate frowned "you think?"

Lanie laughed "yeah, I mean he's very considerate of you, hasn't that even crossed your mind?"

Kate shrugged "I don't know"

"Maybe you guys should, you know, get 'into the rhythm' again" Lanie said, making air quotes with her fingers "-and just talk things out, and everything will be fine"

Kate smiled at her friend "you think?"

"I'm sure"

* * *

There were a few things she hadn't told Lanie. As weeks had passed Castle started to become more and more obsessed with his disappearance. He had built himself a timeline in his office, which was more of a fort right about now. Stacked boxes of evidence that lead to nowhere, pictures scattered around the office, notes and scribbles on the wall, various colored threads connecting to pieces which only made sense to him.

She found him, hunched over some old newspaper articles, his weight resting on his elbows. Kate sighed and shook her head. His hair was flopped over and looked kind of cute, feeling the urge to push it back. Her talk with Lanie lifted her spirit and instead of this weird dreading feeling when she came home, she felt a pinch of hope.

"Hey" she said after knocking on the opened door.

Castle looked up surprised as a big smile formed on his face "hey you" he answered, massaging his neck with his right hand as he pushed his hair back with his other disappointing Kate as she secretly had wanted to do that.

"Your hair is getting long" she simply stated

"Yeah I know" Castle smiled as he looked back at the newspaper cutouts in front of him

"Looks kind of cute" she answered. Kate thought about Lanie's words on how to find back 'their rhythm' as she awkwardly attempted to flirt with him.

Castle looked up again, quirking an eyebrow as he combed through his hair with his fingers again "oh yeah? You like the 'bad boy' image of me?" he joked, both feeling a bit of a spark again that was them. But suddenly Castle's smile turned serious and he gently shook his head, as if he was correcting himself "um so, how was your day? How's the baby?"

Kate felt her heart sink, just when they were making progress something changed. "Yeah the baby, he's good, he's good" she said forcing a smile.

"Ok, good, I'm glad" he answered already distracted again by the pieces of evidence scattered on his desk.

Kate swallowed, yearning that feeling again of them just simply being… them. Suddenly she felt a spark of confidence and let out a deep breath.

"Castle, this is ridiculous" she said and walked towards him. He looked up and watched his wife move closer

"What, what is?" he stuttered getting up from his chair, he knew that look on her face. She had that either before she was tackling a suspect or…

"This… us!" she exclaimed and moved her hands to his face, which gave him flashbacks to their first night together after she had come to his door dripping from the rain, and pressed her lips to his. Castle could feel his heart pounding in his chest feeling her open mouth against his.

"Wait, wait, wait" he said, breaking the kiss by gently pushing her away. "What's going on?"

Kate breathed out through her nose "I just wanna feel close to you again, Castle, just like we used to be, I'm just scared that-"

"That?"

"You just see me like this maternal thing and not, you know, sexy?" she answered, suddenly feeling very shy.

"Kate, you have no idea" he breathed out grabbing her hands, holding them tight "I have never seen you sexier than now carrying our child I have to force myself to not constantly touch you"

"Why don't you?"

"I-I don't know, I thought you weren't ready, first you were having a hard time before you even wanted to kiss me so I thought this was just… too much right now?"

Kate pulled back her hands and covered her face and leaned over, resting her head against his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I really…"

But instead of crying he heard some muffled laughs coming from her

"Kate?"

"God, Castle it's just-" as she looked up at his confused face "we are such a mess"

Castle slowly started to laugh too "yes, yes we are"

Castle pulled her into his arms and held her tight against his chest "I was talking to Lanie today and she exactly said the same thing…"

"You talked to Lanie?"

Kate answered just by nodding

"What did she say?"

"That we should just find back our 'rhythm'"

"And with rhythm you mean…"

"Yes"

"And you are ok, you are ready right?"

"So, so ready" she huffed, pleased with herself as she was finally able to comb her fingers through his hair and push it back like she wanted to do in the first place.

"Good because we are actually alone right now…"

Kate smiled "we are?"

As he gently pushed her backwards and out of his office, his lips brushing against hers "yes the whole night and morning, just the two of us, and I have plans"

"You do, do you?"

Castle nodded, directing them towards the bedroom. Their lips still close to each other without actual kissing, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest "I love you" she whispered. Something ignited in him, all the tension, all of his self-control was gone as he grabbed her and 'pushed' her backwards onto the bed, gentle enough that he couldn't hurt her or the baby but with just the right amount of passion. Castle followed her onto the bed, exploring her body with his fingers, taking in every curve and every shape of her. Kissing every piece of exposed skin as they started to remove more and more clothes

"I missed you" Kate whispered as she pulled him in for a kiss.

Castle smiled "let's find back our rhythm"

* * *

"Thank you Lanie!" Castle breathed out as he was lying on his back, trying to catch his breath.

"Lanie huh? I thought this was all us" Kate smirked as she jokingly pinched his thigh and rolled to her side, missing the days she could still lie on her stomach.

Castle dramatically yelped and laughed, dropping his head to the side so he could look at her "I have to say, we have some great rhythm".

Kate nodded and pushed her tangled hair from her face "that, that we do" she smiled.

Castle moved his hand to her rounded belly and gently rubbed it, making lazy circles with his hand "I can't believe we actually made this, him, our son" he whispered with a sleepy smile.

Kate laid her hand upon his "I know" as she smiled back at him.

Castle entangled his fingers with hers as he started playing with her engagement ring "I'm sorry Kate" Castle said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"For what?" she answered softly.

"Leaving you, I swear I would never leave you like that, not by choice, never"

Kate looked away and shook her head, her hair forming a curtain that shielded her face. "I know, I know".

Castle sighed and propped himself up "Kate, I feel like… you don't actually believe me"

Kate looked up into his blue eyes and pulled up the covers a bit, feeling the sudden urge to cover herself up "it's not your fault, it's mine." Kate said as she shook her head "the way I hurt you. When I couldn't admit to myself that you said you loved me when I got shot. Deep down I feel like-"

"-Like I could do the same to you" Castle said, finishing her sentence.

Kate just nodded, silent tears running down her face "and I know it's not fair of me, but I was so hurt and I just can't seem to shake off that nagging feeling you know"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Castle softly said, no judgment in his voice as he sat up on the bed.

"I didn't even know myself" Kate answered, following Castle by sitting up too so she was at the same eye level as him "when I talked to Lanie at lunch it just all dawned on me, I never made that connection, and then I just felt so selfish because you are the one who was missing all those months, you are the one who is missing a chunk of your life… and you were so caught up investigating your disappearance that-"

"Kate, Kate, do you know why I am so caught op into it?"

Kate responded by shaking her head.

"Because, it's true, I want to know where I have been all that time, but Kate, I was doing it for you"

"For me, why?"

"Because I could sense you needed that closure, I know you, you need to know these things before you can move on, just like your mother's murder"

A smile formed on Kate's face. That sweet, amazing, considerate man, how could she not have trusted him? Kate leaned over, as much as her belly allowed, and gave him a slow soft kiss and rested her forehead against his "Castle, honestly I just need you." She whispered, "I know we'll figure it out someday, for you, for us, but for now, I just need you"

Castle smiled and nodded "alright let's do that… from now on, let's just be honest to each other, we owe that to ourselves"

Kate put her hands on his shoulders for leverage and pushed herself upright again and nodded "you're right"

"Ok with that said, can I ask you something?"

Kate faintly smiled "of course, anything"

"Marry me please"

* * *

 **Sorry, but this story hasn't been beta'd, still hope you enjoyed it and I love reviews :) x**


	5. Chapter 5 - Tainted?

**Since I have a lot of spare time left at my internship (because it's boring lol) I decided to just start writing some instead of just hanging around haha. So here you go! Enjoy! x (I don't own _Castle_ of course etc. etc.)**

* * *

As if on cue she felt a nudge from her baby from inside her womb. Stretching out his little limbs and rolling around in his protected bubble distracted Kate from forming a coherent sentence. She groaned as the innocent little taps quickly changed into heavier kicks against her lower ribs.

"Is he awake?" Castle asked with a big smile on his face, almost forgetting the important question he had just asked her. He could always sense the change in Kate's posture whenever their little one would act out and it made him giddy to touch her stomach as he put her hands on her still exposed bare bump and tried to find a spot where his unborn son made his presence known.

"He's getting so big that I'm convinced he is just trying to create more space for himself" Kate said with a faint smile "-not caring about his mother's comfort". She leaned backwards, resting her weight on her hands, which always helped to move her baby in a way so that he wouldn't kick her sore ribs anymore.

Kate took a deep breath, as Castle was still moving around his hands on her belly to feel a kick "look, babe, I-"

Castle looked up, still a smile plastered on his face "I know, I know you're not ready"

Kate smiled back at him and sat up again as she cupped his face with her hands "I love you so much Richard Castle and there is nothing more I want than to be married to you but… it's too soon"

Castle slowly nodded

"And it still feels somehow-"

"Tainted?" Castle said as he finished her sentence.

"Yeah tainted…"

Castle shook his head as guilt struck him but then somehow managed to keep smiling "Kate, look, I am not talking about tomorrow, next week or even next month. The truth is that I love you, we were so close, and I am not willing to give that up, amnesia or not…"

Kate let out a relieved breath.

"-Plus it would be also kind of nice to be married before this little kicker arrives" Castle added.

"I didn't think you were this traditional, Richard Castle" she joked.

Castle shrugged "I think we are far from traditional, Beckett, so a little bit of tradition might do us good" he smiled again "-and I think it would be nice, and also practical, because we'd have little time to organize a wedding when we have a newborn"

Kate laughed, "That's what a girl wants to hear about her wedding day, that it's _practical_ "

Castle groaned, "You know what I mean"

Kate was still laughing as she shook her head "I do Castle, and you are right"

Castle nodded "ok, but… you do wanna marry me, right?"

Kate sighed and shrugged "well I have already said yes so there is no way of getting out of it anyway" as a smile crept up on her face.

Castle scuffed "you are so romantic"

* * *

"So did you guys talk?" Lanie asked giddy, twirling the straw of her milkshake between her thumb and middle finger. They decided to have lunch at Remy's where Lanie was sitting on the edge of her seat trying to squeeze out every little detail she could get from her best friend.

Kate smiled and bit her lower lip as she leaned over a bit, their heads now close together as they were sitting on opposite ends of the table, feeling as if she was a teenager again discussing boys with her BFF.

"We did more than that" Kate whispered and hid her smile with her hand.

Lanie gasped and shot back in her seat "you guys actually-"

Kate shushed her friend by making loud hand gestures "yes, we found back our… um, rhythm" as she glanced at a group of small children sitting only a few table away from them

"I need details!" Lanie exclaimed.

Kate laughed and waved at her friend "forget it" but her smile soon turned into a frown.

"What's wrong, honey?" Lanie asked concerned, noticing the sudden shift of her friend's mood.

"Well, so we talked and he asked me to marry him, again"

Lanie slowly nodded "what did you answer?"

Kate shrugged "the truth"

Lanie tilted her head "the truth?"

"That I'm not ready, we're both not ready"

"you still don't trust him?"

Kate shook her head "honestly, it's not that anymore, just the thought of us getting married brings up so many confusing thoughts, memories and emotions. Part of me wants to marry him right here, right now, but another part of me can't handle the thought of planning a whole new wedding, getting a new dress-"

Kate sighed and buried her face in her hands "-my mom's wedding dress, it's ruined" she mourned and looked up again "-not to mention all the people looking at me with sympathy…I just feel like the whole thing has been tainted and I am never getting that back"

Lanie nodded "I get it honey, what did Castle say?"

"He agreed, he was amazing about it actually, he just said he liked the idea of being married before the baby arrives and I agree" Kate answered as she absentmindedly rubbed her stomach.

Lanie frowned and shook her head.

"What?" Kate asked

"Honey, I get that you are not ready yet, but planning the whole wedding on your own? Where do you think you have a best friend for? You don't _have_ to have a big wedding again, it's just about you guys right?"

"Lanie, I can't ask you to do that!"

"Nonsense, of course you can, let me do this for you as your wedding present"

"Lanie, I-"

"Oh shush, it's ideal, now I don't have to go and look for a wedding present"

Kate laughed "yeah because you hate shopping so much right?"

"Right!" Lanie could still see her friend doubting and gently grabbed her free hand that was splayed on the table "look, you deserve this, Castle deserves this, that little baby of yours deserves it, let's just wrap up this mess and give it a happy ending"

Kate sighed "a small wedding does sound really nice"

Lanie smiled "see!"

Kate let out a relieved breath "thank you, you are amazing Lanie"

"I know, I know"

* * *

She hadn't been at her apartment in ages; it didn't even feel like hers anymore. Most of her stuff was at the loft anyway. But she was there with a goal; her talk with Lanie made her think of her wedding day and knowing she didn't have to organize everything again was a huge relief. Kate walked to the bedroom area, even feeling uncomfortable to call it 'her bedroom' as nothing here felt like a home anymore.

Kate took a few seconds to look around and walked up to the closet and opened the creaky doors. Only a few old sweaters were left with some worn-out shoes that were kicked in a corner but besides that and the big box in front of her feet the closet was completely empty

With a sigh she kneeled down, grunting as her belly got in the way, and sat on her knees. She carefully opened it and closed her eyes for a second. It was her dress, her wedding dress. She had felt so honored knowing her mom had worn it on her own special day but now it was covered in mud and ruined by the water. Tears escaped her eyes as she pulled it from the box. The white fabric still felt luxurious between her fingers as she lovingly caressed it.

She shuddered thinking back to the day when she wore it for the last time, falling down; crying out for him as she presumed the love of her life had died. She didn't want to look at it again. When Lanie had carefully asked her what she wanted to do with it, she just shrugged and told her to put it in a box somewhere. The dress was the last of her concern back then. But now she mourned about what could have been, or what should have been.

When Castle was still missing her mind was haunted by images of what should have been. They'd be married, had their honeymoon, they would have found out she was pregnant and joked about the fact that they had no idea when it was conceived. He would have been so happy when she showed him the little white stick in her hand that said 'positive', he would have been there for the first sonogram, the thrill of finding out they were expecting a son…

She knew Martha and Alexis were doing their best to be there for her all those months but they were mourning too. Martha even started talking about maybe hosting a funeral as she had given up hope of ever seeing her son back alive.

Kate shuddered and let go of the dress, which fell back into the cardboard box.

Suddenly the loud ringing of her phone interrupted her thoughts. She expected it to be Castle asking when she was getting home, but instead it was Lanie. Kate raised her eyebrow not knowing why her friend would call her so soon after they had just seen each other and pushed the green button.

"Girl, I found out this famous Dutch wedding dress designer is coming to New York next week and guess who scored an appointment with him?"

Kate groaned "you?" she could almost hear the ME smile over the phone

"That's right!"

Kate looked at the slumped down wedding dress in front of her and shook her head as she kept listening to the excited rambling from her friend over the phone and sighed. _What did I agree to?_

* * *

 ** _Thank you so much for reading! It's not been beta'd but I hope you enjoyed it anyway x_**


	6. Chapter 6 - Day Dreams

**Two chapters in two days! I am still super bored at my internship which means that you guys are lucky because I have loads of time to write haha, so here is chapter 6 for y'all! Hope you enjoy and I always love me some reviews! x**

* * *

Kate adjusted her thick scarf around her neck and buried her hands back in her coat pockets. New York was getting colder by the day and she cursed at herself for forgetting her gloves. Her long grey winter coat, which was normally oversized, would barely button anymore. She huffed annoyed. Her plan was to take a cab back to the loft but some kid stole it right in front of her, "who does that to a pregnant lady" she grunted and sighed as she continued walking, not even feeling like taking a cab anymore, all she wanted was to just get home.

Walking a steady pace through the icy weather she remembered her dad saying to her, back when she was a child, that if she was cold she just had to imagine herself being on Hawaii or another warm place, it never worked for her though, but she kept trying it anyway. Soon the vague image of Hawaii with the blue sea and palm trees turned into a clear vision of the house at the Hamptons where she imagined herself walking by the beach, the late afternoon sun warming her shoulders as she was holding her husband's hand, the cold of his wedding ring touching her skin, there was no awkward baby bump in front of her anymore but the sight of their son walking beside them, his little chubby legs trying to keep up with his parents as he was picking up little seashells that they would keep for memory's sake. Coming back to reality of the cold New York streets a smile appeared on her face, the picture of a bright future in her head actually seemed to warm her up and she reminded herself to thank her dad for it later. With the happy image in her head it didn't take her long before she arrived at the loft where the temperature of the building embraced her like a warm welcoming hug.

* * *

"Hey!" Castle said with a smile welcoming his soon-to-be wife when she came through the door. Kate was welcomed by the amazing smell of dinner and was relieved to see him stirring in a pan instead of bend over some old evidence files. She let out a relieved breath and dropped her heavy bag and unbuttoned her barely fitting coat. She walked over to her fiancé and let herself fall into his strong arms, her face buried in his shoulders as she huffed out.

"You ok?" Castle asked as he freed his right hand to turn down the stove a bit before embracing her fully.

Kate smiled and looked up, giving him a quick peck on the lips before returning to her previous pose, her cold nose buried in his warm sweater "yeah just tired, good to be home" she answered, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

They kept standing like that for a minute before Kate freed herself "i'm going to change in something more comfortable"

Castle raised his eyebrow and smirked.

Kate playfully slapped him "not that kind of comfortable" and walked towards the bedroom.

"By the way, Lanie called to ask me about the size of my suit… any idea why?"

Kate halted in her steps, her face turning as red as the sauce Castle was preparing for dinner "I-um-"

* * *

"So Lanie is planning the wedding?" Castle asked, the conflict on his face noticeable.

Kate took a careful bite from the hot pasta sauce and nodded "yep". She had silently cursed Lanie in her head for spilling the beans so quick, it wasn't like she wasn't gonna tell him, but now she couldn't ease him into it.

They were sitting on the couch, not even bothering to lay the table, as both Martha and Alexis weren't home. Kate looked quite comical, her plate was balanced on the round surface of her pregnant stomach that seemed to work fine for her but made Castle a bit nervous.

"I hope you don't mind, I told her to just keep the wedding small and about us… Just the thought of having to plan it all over again is a bit much"

Castle shook his head "it's not that, I am actually very happy she wanted to do this for us and I trust her but…"

"but what?"

"who is gonna tell mother?"

Kate started to laugh, holding onto the edge of the plate so it would slide off "we can still give Martha a role in the wedding"

Castle grunted "and how did that turn out last time?"

Kate squinted "oh, yes, right" thinking back to Martha's wild wedding ideas that included a wall of flowers arranged so it would look like a portrait of the two of them.

Castle took another bite from his pasta and smiled "honestly I am just glad we're going forward with this"

Kate smiled back at him "yeah, me too. First I was scared but now it feels…"

"right"

Kate nodded and swallowed her food down and placed the plate onto the coffee table in front of her. She moved back onto the couch and grabbed his hand

"I'm so glad you're back" as she gently squeezed his fingers

"I'm sorry Kate" he said whispery, his voice stricken with guilt

"It's ok" she answered "let's just focus on the future right now, ok?"

Castle nodded, she could still sense that he was feeling down

"Let me tell you about this daydream I had of our future when I walked to the loft"

"You walked? Kate you are almost 8 months pregnant! And the weather-"

"Yeah, yeah I know" she said as she waved him off "wanna hear my day dream or not?"

Castle grunted as he tried to let go of his concern of her walking alone down the New York streets in the cold "yeah sure"

"Ok, so we were walking down the beach at the Hamptons house, I imagined our son collecting seashells just like we did that first day we went there"

Castle sat up as he put his plate away too, a big smile on his face "how did he look?"

Kate shrugged "it was all a little vague but he had your gorgeous blue eyes"

Castle's smile widened "yeah?"

"Brown hair, disheveled by the wind… the cutest little chubby legs" Kate breathed out, a big smile plastered on her face "it was amazing Castle, he was amazing, we were amazing"

Castle squeezed her hand "we're getting there, Kate"

"Promise?"

Castle nodded "promise"

* * *

"Lanie!" Kate called out as she walked to the morgue in a steady pace, she missed the dominant sound of her heels tapping on the tiled surface of the floor but she had to let go of those power heels a long time ago. She was glad she wasn't yet waddling because that wouldn't look very convincing, as she was about to scold her friend and opened the door.

"Lanie!" she repeated but words stuck in her throat as she saw the ME making out with her fellow detective "Espo?" both of them had turned around, both a busted look on their face.

Esposito nervously smiled "Oh hi Beckett, I-I will leave you guys to it" and disappeared through the door.

Kate raised her eyebrow and smirked "I see"

Lanie folded her arms before her chest "what's wrong? You two aren't the only ones who are allowed to have a romance at work"

Kate laughed, "of course not, I just didn't expect to see you here making out with Espo"

"Girl, we were barely making out"

"Then what do you call it when his tongue is down your throat?" Kate teased.

Lanie giggled, "stop it" as Kate laughed with her, momentarily forgetting why she was annoyed at her friend.

"To be fair we didn't expect for you to barge in"

Kate grunted "well I was going to confront you about why you had called up my fiancé to ask him what his suit size was"

Lanie shifted her weight "yeah I'm sorry about that, I thought I could since you were already heading home and I presumed you had already told him"

Kate sighed, "yeah I thought you did, it's ok, but I hadn't yet"

"Why though? You left just after lunch, I mean you had plenty of time"

Kate shook her head "I went back to my apartment"

Lanie frowned "really, why? It's not like there is anything left there right? You are not getting cold feet right?"

Kate shook her head again "no, no, nothing like that"

"Then why?"

"Well there _is_ something left there, I never felt like moving it to the loft, let alone look at it"

Suddenly Lanie understood "the wedding dress"

Kate nodded "yeah, my mom's wedding dress, it's totally ruined but I loved it so much and when we talked about the wedding I just needed to look at it"

"Oh honey, I'm sorry, I bet we'll find a new one that you'll love too"

Kate faintly smiled "yeah you're probably right"

"So you guys are still on board with me planning the wedding?"

Kate nodded and then smirked "yeah, but are you sure I don't have to plan yours and Espo's soon?"

Lanie gasped, "shut up!"

* * *

"You look stunning!" Martha gasped at her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. Alexis nodded with a smile on her face while Lanie was just clapping her hands. The three women had to drag Kate away from her desk and to the appointment with the famed wedding dress designer Niels Gombert that many women would kill for.

Kate looked at herself in the mirror, she had to admit that the dress was gorgeous, white, flowey, perfectly fitted around her bump and simple yet stunning. But it wasn't it for her and it was evident on her face.

The designer raised his eyebrow. He was younger than she thought he would be. His natural blonde hair tied up in a bun with a bit of a scruffy beard that was a contrast to the very nice suit he was wearing that was combined with the brightly colored sneakers at his feet. He smiled, his blue eyes kind "if it's not what you like, we'll look further," he commented, a hint of a Dutch accent in his voice. He held her hand, coaching her back to the changing room.

"That's like the 30th wedding dress she has put on, and they were all gorgeous" Martha sighed, seeing Kate disappear through the curtains.

Alexis nodded "she just keeps comparing it to the one she had…"

The three women kept talking until Kate appeared again, again with a gorgeous gown but without the matching blushing bride in it. Kate shook her head, barely even looking in the mirror and turned to the designer "look Niels, it's gorgeous, they are all gorgeous and they are gonna make some girl very happy but to be honest I keep comparing it to the one I had, it was my mom's and-"

Niels frowned "but why aren't you wearing it then?"

"I- it's a long story but it got ruined by mud and water and it has a big tear in it, it's beyond repair"

The three women behind her nodded in unison.

The designer shook his head "honey, nothing is beyond repair when it comes to me, why don't you bring it over and see what I can do with it"

Kate faintly smiled "that's very sweet of you, but honestly it's so damaged, I can't ask you to do that"

Niels shook his head "nonsense, I have never failed to make a bride happy and I am not gonna start now. Just bring it over and I'll try to fix it for you, probably adjust it a bit" he said smiling as he pointed at her midsection "-and don't worry about it, you're not paying this price for nothing"

Kate's eyes shimmered with tears that she had no control over anymore since she got pregnant and nodded "thank you, thank you so much"

Niels smiled "look, that is the smile I was looking for all day, come on I'll help you out of the dress"

Kate nodded happy and looked at her 'team' behind her who seemed just as pleased as she mouthed 'thank you' at them, feeling her heart swell of being able to wear her _own_ wedding dress again.

* * *

Of course everyone tried to convince her to just go back home, but being her stubborn self she reminded them she still had some paperwork to do as it kept piling up her desk. So she returned to the precinct, needing to get rid of the musty smell of the scented candles from the wedding boutique that made her nauseous anyway.

Soon it was time to go home and Gates had urged her to go. She wasn't sure if it was out of the kindness of her Captain's heart or the fact she could get a lot of people mad at her if she let a pregnant lady do overtime… it didn't matter anyway as she gathered all of her stuff and was about to go. Something stopped her though as she looked at the phone on her desk. She sighed and picked it up, her fingers hovering above the keys before dialing the well-known digits. It went to voicemail. She waited for the beep and took a deep breath "hi dad, I just wanted to let you know that Castle and I are getting married soon, not that we have a date set yet or anything" Kate took another deep breath "I know you are still mad at him for leaving me dad but I'd love you to be there… please call me back when you have time alright? I love you, bye" and quickly hung up. Sighing, before pulling on her coat and facing the cold New York streets again.

* * *

 **Ok so my best friend is called Niels and he asked me if he could be written into the story so I did to surprise him. He loves (bridal) fashion so that's why haha. Again this hasn't been beta'd but I still hope you enjoyed it. Reviews keep me motivated :) x**


	7. Chapter 7 - Fathers and Daughters

**Hi everyone, yes it's me again! surprise! haha... it's the same old thing really, just bored at my internship so I have loads of time to write. Before you start reading I wanted to address a few things. Yes, I know, chapter 6 was very fluffy. Maybe I should have warned before hand. Some reviewers 'complained' about it because they want more angst. I understand, but for me to continue this story I can't keep up the angst the whole time you know... But anyway, I still hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know! x**

* * *

Kate was relieved to finally be rid of her bra and let out a sigh and pulled on one of Castle's oversized shirts to sleep in, it being one of the few things that still 'fitted'. She didn't even bother to put on some shorts. Exhaustion had taken over, even brushing her teeth felt like an impossible task. But as always she managed and moaned as she slipped under the covers still missing the fact that she was once able to sleep on her stomach.

Castle was sitting up in their bed, reading… something; she didn't even care as her eyelids drooped

"You look exhausted" Castle commented as he laid down the book next to him and scooted down a bit, he pulled up the blankets a bit so she was fully covered.

"I _am_ exhausted" she breathed out and faintly smiled, her eyes already closed

"Kate?" Castle carefully asked, not even sure if she was already asleep

"Hmm" she hummed

"Maybe you should consider going on maternity leave already".

She barely even react, just shook her head "no, too much to do"

Castle sighed but then smiled, he could get so frustrated by her stubbornness but it was also something he loved about her. He knew that she would eventually cave and stay home, not that he would stop trying though.

"Kate?" he repeated

"Hmm" she responded again

"I was thinking, maybe we could invite your dad over, get Mother and Alexis and have a nice family dinner, just to celebrate being together".

Kate's eyes shot open as she propped herself up on her elbows. Castle noticed her sudden change in posture and raised his eyebrow

"What's wrong?"

Kate forced a smile and swallowed "nothing, it's just um- dad, he's still at the cabin, not really reachable you know, so I don't think he'll be there… but we can still have a nice family dinner"

Castle looked at her feeling suspicious "well we can always try right?"

Kate shrugged "I'll try calling him". She was still sitting up and seemed alarmed by something as simple as a family dinner

"What are you keeping from me?"

Kate covered her face with her hand as she let herself drop back down on the matrass, her head cushioned by the pillow "I'm tired Castle, can we talk about this later?"

Castle looked at her in silence "is it your dad?"

Kate could see the hurt on his face and opened her mouth to speak but no words came out

"It _is_ your dad". Suddenly everything fell into place, how she never mentioned her father to him anymore and when he asked she just waved it away by saying he was still at the cabin…

"Kate?"

"I'm sorry Castle"

"I thought we weren't keeping secrets from each other anymore!" he exclaimed, his voice raised.

"I know, I know and I'm sorry but I just thought dad would come around but-"

Castle sighed and tried to calm himself "come around to what? Is he angry at me?" Castle's eyes widened "of course he is, why hadn't I thought of that"

Kate sat up again and reached for his hands, forcing him to look at her as he had averted his gaze "Rick-" she said, hoping he would listen to her if she called him by his first name "he's not angry at you he's just… being a protective father. When you were missing and all the evidence lead to you being a willing participant to your own disappearance, I kept believing in you but he… he thought I was just blinded because I loved you so much and then I found out I was pregnant and it was… just too much for him I guess"

Castle slowly nodded as he took it all in "I can't blame him, if something like that happened to Alexis…"

Kate kissed his knuckles "you're a good dad" she smiled.

"We need to fix this" Castle said, breathing out as he slumped back down into the bed

"I called him today, telling him about the wedding and asking if he wanted to be part of the wedding, or at least be there"

"What did he answer?"

Kate shrugged "voicemail" as she scooted closer to her fiancé's body and rested her head on his broad chest, silently listening to his heartbeat as she entangled her legs with his and moved into a comfortable position so her belly wouldn't weigh her down.

"He'll call back" she whispered and massaged his chest with the palm of her hand, rubbing soothing circles.

Castle just sighed, "I thought we were over… this mess you know" "I know, I'm sorry, let's just go to sleep"

Castle huffed out and dimmed the lights. Normally he wouldn't 'give up' like that be he knew she needed her sleep. He heard her breathing even out, a sign that she was asleep. Not that he was able that night.

* * *

Jim Beckett had arrived to a dark apartment. He sighed and dropped his heavy messenger bag and hung up his coat before even turning on the lights. Stretching out his limbs and popping the joints of his fingers he headed to the answering machine.

Sure he had a cell phone, mostly because it was quite impossible to be a lawyer and not have one. But he was old-fashioned and he liked his coming home routine after a long day; which consisted of dropping his bag, hanging up his coat, walking to the answering machine and listening to the messages as he would untie his shoes on a chair next to it.

He pushed the little red button and sat down. Just when he was about to untie the laces of his shoes the voice of his daughter pierced his ears.

"Katie" he breathed out and listened intently to what she had to say. She sounded a bit sad to him as guilt struck him. He never intended to ignore her but he couldn't just look and stand by how she was thoroughly consumed by the disappearance of her fiancé. All the damning evidence lead to him but she just ignored it all. She ignored it, his daughter, the most rational, sometimes even worryingly rational person he knew. And when he finally returned he had amnesia? As if it was some cheesy daytime soap opera? Jim shook his head again; he knew he had to set aside his mistrust. For her and for his soon to be born grandson. A smile crept up, he was getting a grandson, he was becoming a grandfather. If only Johanna was alive to see it. She'd probably had already set him straight and scolded him for not trusting his own daughter's judgment.

Jim stared at the machine and hesitated before pushing the button again so the message would be repeated, he loved hearing her voice, which started to sound more and more like his late wife. He'll call her back in the morning.

* * *

Castle was sitting on one of the high bar stools at the kitchen. A cup of coffee warming his hands. He stared into the dark liquid as he felt the steam warm his face.

Kate had already left for work complaining that she couldn't stand the scent of the amazing coffee they had at home that filled the loft with it's smell and that she has to stay abstinent of.

His mother walked into the kitchen with her familiar flair and got a cup for herself as she sniffed from the coffee and breathed out with satisfied sigh "coffee warms the hands and the soul!" she commented and turned to her son who was slumped down at the kitchen table.

"Are you alright, kiddo?" she asked as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

Castle looked up. Martha didn't see any of the familiar playfulness of her son and sensed it was serious. "Beckett's dad, he distrusts me," he eventually answered after a few seconds of deep thought.

Martha nodded and let out a sigh "I know"

"You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

Martha waved at him "I just figured it was something between you and Katherine, there was happening so much I didn't want to bring that up too"

Castle grunted and looked back into his mug.

Martha walked up to her son and laid her hand on his shoulder "he's just being protective of her, just like you are of Alexis"

Castle nodded, not even bothered to look up "I know, I know, I get it, I just don't want him to hate me"

"Oh, Richard. He doesn't hate you" she answered, tapping his shoulder so he would sit up "what if it happened to Alexis? What would you want from the boy when he returned?"

Castle shuddered not wishing that upon his daughter or imagine his little girl pregnant "I'd… want him to come and talk to me… eventually, I guess"

Martha smiled "see! Go talk to the man, he'll be grateful"

Castle faintly smiled at his mother "you're right, thank you"

* * *

A tight-lipped, serious looking Jim Beckett was sitting in front of him. He could see the likeliness of Kate and her father when she was angry with him, and it was scary to say the least.

Jim had a rare day off from work and wasn't really interested in spending it in silence with his soon-to-be son-in-law. He had eventually called his daughter back. Kate had asked him if they could meet up at his house and he agreed. There was a big smile on his face when she walked through his door, marveling at her fast growing stomach, but the smile quickly faded when he saw that Castle had followed her in.

And now they were sitting on the couch. Kate sipping from her tea, her baby uncomfortably rolling around inside of her, as Castle rotated the empty coffee mug between the palms of his hand.

Jim sighed and smiled at both of them, trying to break the awkward silence as he rested his elbows on his knees. "Look I know why you guys are here, and of course I'll be there for the wedding, I am your father Kate, I wouldn't miss it for the world"

Kate smiled back at him "Dad, I understand but it's not me getting married you know… I am getting married to him and I need you to be ok with that"

Jim glanced at Castle and back at his daughter "I understand, could you maybe give us a second Katie, I'd like to talk to him"

Kate nodded, a smile crept up "I need to pee anyway" she said as struggled the get from the couch. Both men stood up to help her out as they reached out their hand for her to take. Kate grinned as she took both their hands and walked off to the bathroom.

Jim's smile soon turned back into a frown as he ushered Castle to sit back down and moved his chair that stood opposite of the couch closer before sitting down. "Look, Richard, I know she loves you, but don't forget that I am not just her father, I am also a lawyer… and your story does _not_ add up"

Castle was taken aback by the sudden bluntness of his fiancée's father but before he could answer Jim continued

"I don't have much family left and she is the most important thing to me, so I am going to play along, I'll give her away and I'll have a piece of wedding cake and sip the champagne, but don't forget for a second that I won't be there to protect her when you leave again"

Castle felt anger rush through his body as he tried his utter best to keep himself contained. He didn't get angry easily but no one ever doubted his love for her and even though somewhere deep down her understood where Jim was coming from he felt that he had no right.

"You are not going to give me a chance to explain?" he muttered, but Jim shook his head

"I know enough"

Castle jaw stiffened, not being able to keep himself composed anymore

"But you don't! I love her. I love her so much. I _know_ the story doesn't add up because I have spent days and nights trying to figure out what has happened to me! Do you really think I'd leave her on our _wedding day_? Willingly leave my own _daughter_ for _six whole months_?! I know that _you_ are a _lawyer_ but I am a _writer_ , I make up stories every damn day, it's my job, do you really think I'd come up with such a terrible one to safe my own ass?"

Jim's jaw dropped but before he could answer a grunt came from behind them

"Kate are you ok?" Castle asked as he stood up, seeing her in agony, and made his way to her.

She nodded, her face twisted in pain as she had both of her hands pressed against her back "i'm fine! Why can't you two just work it out, I don't want some charade from you dad! I want you to be for me- ah- and Castle"

Jim and Castle shared a look

"I'm going to call 911" Jim spoke and walked up tot he phone

"No, it's ok, it's nothing"

"Kate, I think you are in labor, we need to get you to the hospital" Castle spoke soothingly.

She shook her head "no, not before you two talk this out"

"It's not important right now"

"It is!" she said gritting her teeth as she felt the pain surge through her body "it's not time, they're just Braxton hicks contractions, I've been having them all day"

Castle shared another look with Jim who had hesitated calling, but didn't anymore as he dialed 911.

"Look at me Kate, your dad and I we'll figure it out but we need you both to be safe ok?"

Kate looked at her father who had a terrified expression on his face and nodded, suddenly she started to feel scared too as it dawned on her that these contractions weren't as innocent as she thought they originally were. Now only thinking about her baby she nodded "ok, you're right"

* * *

 **ohhh cliffhanger! sorry about that! there will probably be another chapter update tomorrow. Thanks for reading! (like always, it hasn't been beta'd, sorry!)**


	8. Chapter 8 - Pain

**So I know after all the quick updates it took me a while to upload chapter 8. Honestly the reason why is because I got a bit discouraged by readers. But I am over that now and I hope there are still people who enjoy this story. So enjoy!**

* * *

"Female, late thirties, 36 weeks pregnant, complains about abdominal pain, doesn't show signs of labor" the paramedic said to the doctors that were standing ready after the ambulance backdoors had swung open. He had to shield his eyes from the blinding sun but easily pulled the gurney from the truck.

"The baby?" a young female doctor asked. She was the first to the scene and took immediate control.

"Did a quick ultrasound, doesn't seem in distress" the paramedic answered her, pulling on the gurney so the last of it exited the ambulance.

"Alright good, let's get her in" she said with a firm nod. Her blonde hair tied in a ponytail bouncing on her shoulders "so what's your name?"

"Kate Beckett, I'm with the NYPD" she answered. Not knowing if her naming her profession was relevant.

"This is your first?" she asked. Pressing her hands to her abdomen, trying to feel if something felt off.

Kate nodded "I first thought they were Braxton hicks contractions but it felt different. Wrong" The last few syllables of her sentence strained as she gritted her teeth from the searing pain in her lower belly.

Castle had hopped out of the ambulance and made a quick sprint so he was next to his fiancée again.

"And who are you?" the doctor asked, turning to him.

"Richard Castle. Her fiancé, and the father" he answered. Panic clear in his voice as he grabbed Kate's hand again. Needing to be in contact with her in all times.

The female doctor shot him a sympathetic smile "I'm doctor Radner, and I know this is really hard but we need to examine her but to properly do that we need you let go of her"

Castle hesitated as he looked at Kate. Conflict visible on his face.

"It's fine, Rick" she reassured him, squeezing his hand. Castle reluctantly let go of her. Their pinky's being the last to disconnect before he saw her disappear through the hospital doors. The scene was eerily familiar as he cursed to himself and leaned against the white walls of the hallway. Knowing that his future was now in doctor's hands.

* * *

It somehow felt so silly how just a half hour ago he was arguing with his daughter's fiancé and now he is here. Fast walking through the hospital trying to find that same person he had just fought with to hear how his daughter and future grandchild was doing. Dark thoughts clouding his brain with 'what if's' and regrets.

Finally he found the slumped over body that was Castle's. The bad lighting of the hospital made him look older as if the whole event had aged him ten years. He was looking down at his feet. His hands buried in his hair that was peeking in different directions. Probably from brushing with his fingers through it from stress. All the doubts Jim previously had about his future son-in-law evaporated and guilt struck. _He loves her_. But there was no time for that now. He needs to know how his little girl was doing

"Rick?" he called out and quickly walked up to him. "How is she?"

Castle looked up. His blue eyes clouded with worry. He just shrugged "no word yet, they are still examining her"

"Examining? I thought she was in labor?" Jim said shocked. Lowering himself in the chair next to him.

Castle shook his head "apparently not"

"But where did the pain come from?"

Castle shrugged again as he looked back at the ground "I don't know" he answered defeated. A cup of presumably disgusting hospital coffee clutched in his hand that was only serving as a hand warmer as he hadn't even tried to taste it yet.

* * *

"Family of Kate Beckett?" a voice called out.

Both men looked up and stood from their uncomfortable hospital chairs "yes, that's us, how is she?" Castle asked, his voice raspy from being silent for a long period of time.

The same doctor that had taken Kate into the hospital just smiled at the two of them "She is good, don't worry. She was indeed _not_ in labor and after doing some tests we figured it's actually an acute form of appendicitis. Which is very painful so it's not weird that it was confused with labor pains. So we are prepping her for surgery right now"

"But the baby?" Castle asked concerned.

"The baby will be fine, she is in her third trimester and that reduces the risks of complications significantly. If she was in her first or even second trimester it could have been a problem"

Both men let out a relieved breath. A heavy weight had been lifted off their shoulders

"Can we see her?" Jim asked.

"I'm sorry but we really have to take her into surgery. But we'll let you know when we're done right away and then you can see her"

Castle nodded, still not very convinced

Doctor Radner could sense his hesitance "Don't worry sir, we are gonna take good care of her"

"Look. She's the love of my life" Castle pleaded as he had gently hold onto the doctor's arm. There was no aggression in his voice or hold and she didn't seem to intimidated by it.

Doctor Radner put her hand on his "I'll be with her the whole time, I promise, she is in great hands" and gave him a reassuring nod, pulling his hand from her arm and disappeared through the doors again.

* * *

Jim and Castle were sitting awkwardly next to each other. Kate had gotten out of surgery but she hadn't woken up yet. The rhythmic beeping of the machines hooked onto her being the only sound that filled the room.

Jim let out a sigh. Both not really wanting to bring up their previous argument but not talking about it was even worse.

"Look, I just wanted to say –" Jim said, finally breaking the silence "Seeing you react to my Katie today I can only apologize for behaving the way I did. I can see now how much you love my daughter as much as I loved – and still love - my wife. And I know you don't need it, but you two have my blessing" and stuck out his hand for Castle to shake.

Castle's worried frown momentarily changed into a faint smile and took his future father-in-law's hand and shook it "thank you, that means a lot"

"I have to have an appendicitis before you two make up?" Kate said out of nowhere, her voice still raspy with sleep and medication.

Castle jumped up from his chair and grabbed her hand "I am so glad you are awake"

Kate tried to sit up but was met with exhaustion and quickly gave up "the surge-?"

"Went well, no complications"

"And -"

"The baby is just fine" Castle answered her. Knowing where she was heading with her questions and kissed on top of her head. Feeling more than relieved.

Kate's hand slowly moved to her belly where she could feel her baby kick and stir inside of her and let out a relieved breath. He was still the little rib kicker he was before she got into surgery.

"You scared us" Jim said as he had joined Castle at her bedside after he had just informed the nurses his daughter had woken up.

"I scared myself too" she answered honest.

It only took a few seconds before Kate already felt her eyes droop again. Exhaustion and heavy medication took over.

"Are you ok?" Castle softly asked, stroking her hand that was hooked onto one of the machines.

"m'tired" she answered.

Castle looked at Jim, who gave him a nod "we'll let you rest"

Kate's sleepy eyes shot open "no, wait Castle!" as she held onto his hand.

Castle looked up surprised "don't worry! I am not leaving I'll be right here, so is your father"

"It's not that. I wanna get married" she said with conviction.

Castle frowned " _now_?"

"No, not _now_ " she answered him with a smile. If she weren't as tired as she was she would have rolled her eyes at him.

"But when?"

"As soon as I can leave the hospital. I don't want to wait anymore. I love you and this hospital stint has shown me that waiting is just a waste of time. I wanna be married to you as soon as I can"

Castle's face lit up "are you sure? Lanie is-"

"I don't care about any of the party anymore, I just need you, I mean if you are ok with that?"

Castle bent over and softly kissed her lips. Kate moved her hand to the back of his head so he couldn't back away before her arm felt too heavy and had to let go of him.

"I love you"

"I love you too, now go sleep, I'll take care of it"

* * *

"Dad, dad! Where's Kate?" Alexis exclaimed followed by her grandmother into the hospital.

Castle shushed them and faintly smiled "don't worry, she's ok"

"Oh thank god… what happened?" Martha asked worried as she watched Alexis embrace her father

"She suddenly felt a lot of pain and we were worried she had gone into labor"

Martha nodded "of course, yes"

"Turns out it was an acute appendicitis, she's just out of surgery and asleep"

"And what about my little brother?" Alexis asked, her blue eyes panicked.

Castle smiled at Alexis calling the baby her little brother "he's fine, thank god, they are both fine"

The two redheads let out a relieved breath.

"Who's with her now?" Martha asked. Not liking the idea of Kate being by herself

"Jim" Castle answered and rested his hand on his mother's shoulder. Happy to have his family's support.

Martha slowly nodded "and you are?"

"We're fine now"

"Ok, good, good… The last thing Katherine needs right now is for her father to fight with her fiancé"

"Dad, can I see her?" Alexis asked carefully after Martha and Castle had talked through some details.

"Soon, I think it's best if we let her sleep right now. She's still weak from the surgery besides I need you both right now"

The two looked at him with a questioning expression on their faces

"You do?" they answered in unison.

"Yes, the doctor told Kate, if everything goes well, that she can leave the hospital in three days"

"Oh that's great" Martha smiled.

Castle nodded "Yes, yes it is"

"But why do you need us?" Alexis asked.

"Well, I already called Lanie who is on her way up right now. I need your help to set up the wedding"

"Weren't we already doing that?"

"Yes. But after this whole hospital scare Kate and I agreed to… just get married as soon as we can"

Martha gasped, "Are you saying you want to get married next week?"

Castle shook his head "no, not next week, but as soon as Kate is able to leave the hospital"

"In three days?!" Alexis gasped

"I know, I know… it's a lot. Kate told me she was fine to just go to the courthouse and get a license but after all we have gone through I need - we need it to be special you know"

A big smile formed on Martha's face

"You think you are going to be able to get something together? It really doesn't have to be fancy but-"

"Do not worry my son, I have been born to do this, we'll get you guys your dream wedding"

"Agreed" suddenly a familiar voice said behind them. They all turned around and were faced with Lanie who gave them a nod "let's give my girl her happy ending"

* * *

 **It's a little shorter than normal. For the people who have been looking forward to the birth I promise it's soon! (probably next chapter). Also it's kind of weird to write a fic that is in like season 6/7 but the series is currently in season 8 haha.**


	9. Chapter 9 - Plush

**Hi there! I am back! This chapter is a little shorter than normal and it's quite fluffy but I needed this uploaded before all the 'big stuff' happens (the wedding, the birth etc.) so I hope you guys enjoy! x**

* * *

A private hospital room wasn't particularly the most stimulating area for one of the finest detectives in New York City. Castle being Castle made sure she immediately had the best private room the hospital offered. Of course she declined. Didn't think it was necessary but he insisted. And even though she was grateful… in a shared room she could at least observe other people around her and their relatives, maybe start a conversation with the person next to her... Kate shook her head, she shouldn't complain because she got luxury and smirked at herself for being so ridiculous as she checked her phone again.

Just as she was about to put her phone away and pick up her book she received a message. It was her fiancé. Castle kept messaging her asking if she was ok. She had sent him home so he could at least take a shower. He didn't want to leave her side not even when she was asleep.

 _'you still want to marry me?_ ' the message read,

she shook her head and opened the text so she could answer ' _not if you keep asking me_ ' and hit send.

Kate quickly felt sorry and started to type again ' _of course I do, just two more days…_ '

 _':) I'll be back in an hour, try not to be too bored_ ' he messaged her back in a matter of seconds.

Kate grunted, he knew her too well ' _I'm not bored_ ' she typed, hitting send.

' _yes you are_ ' Castle replied.

Kate felt butterflies in her stomach. Or maybe it was the baby she was not sure at this point anymore… but suddenly she could not wait to be his wife. He knew her so well which she adored about him, _about them_ , but it also sort of terrified her as the 'old Beckett' would creep up sometimes. Her therapist told her not to refer her past-self like the 'old Beckett' but lately she felt like such a different person with so much personal growth that she couldn't believe that that strong willed, short haired, driven by trauma, young female detective was herself. She shook her head trying to rid of her darkening thoughts and pulled the covers down and lovingly caressed her bump "daddy is silly..hmm.." she said out loud, knowing there was no one around to ridicule or judge her for talking to her stomach.

She made sure she wouldn't accidentally brush against her bandages as her wound still ached a bit. It wasn't that bad though, the incisions were miniscule as they used some sort of fancy tool that only left tiny marks on her body and were able to operate without having to open her up.

Her son started to move once she spoke. Responding to the sound of his mother's voice. Suddenly she got an idea and grabbed the thoroughly-read baby name book she carried around. It was full of penned down scribbles and circles around names she liked. Castle used another color pen and marked the names he liked and hopefully they would come up with a name that way. He wrote silly notes next to some of them, knowing she would see it and hopefully make her laugh.

She cleared her throat and read out loud a few of the names they both liked hoping the little alien (like her lovely fiancé liked to call their unborn son) would react and let her know which one _he_ liked. Kate of course, knew it was just a silly game but she was bored and going through the baby name book again couldn't hurt.

"Nicholas"

She waited for a response in form of a kick or a jolt but her normally very active boy was lying quiet.

"alright… Zachary?"

Nothing.

"David? Joseph? Liam?"

Suddenly he acted up again but the word flow seemed to have more affect on her baby than the actual names itself and she shook her head "never mind, you don't really care do you? It's only your own name!"

Kate rested the tardy book on her stomach and lazily leafed through it and eventually reached the girl names section. She smiled. There were still a few girl names circled that she had done before she knew what gender the baby was gonna be. She hadn't looked at them in a while.

"Emily, Amélie, Charlotte…Johanna" she whispered.

Suddenly she noticed that next to one of the girls names there was something scribbled down. It was clearly Castle's handwriting ' _for the next one'_ it said.

* * *

"A disaster!" Niels Gombert, the famed bridal designer, exclaimed. His hands held up in the air.

Lanie's eyes grew big "but I thought…?" She muttered. Panic spreading across her face.

Niels suddenly smirked, his arms crossing in front of his chest "I'm sorry _liefie_ I was just kidding, but _you_ weren't kidding were you about the state of the dress alright … but you know me, I can fix anything" his Dutch accent clearly noticeable as he spoke and motioned for one of his assistants to bring the dress over.

Lanie didn't have time to get angry about the joke Niels pulled on her but instead gasped "Niels, you did it!" and gently touched the fabric in awe.

It was restored in its previous glory _and more_. The white dress soft, crisp and flawless. The tear neatly sown and encrusted with subtle sparkles.

"she's gonna be so happy"

Niels smiled "I also made some changes so she would actually fit in the dress being pregnant and all" Niels commented as he proudly looked at 'his' creation

"thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how happy this will make my girl"

Niels laid his hand on her shoulder "honey, I read the newspapers too… What a disaster story, I am happy to help"

Lanie kissed his cheek "thank you" she said softly

"maybe the next one will be for you?" Niels said as he again motioned his assistants to wrap the dress up so Lanie could take it with her.

Lanie huffed "yeah, no… that won't be happening anytime soon"

* * *

"Mother!" Castle called out as he brushed through his still wet hair and exited the bathroom. He had been showering and heard the front door open and close and the familiar sound of Martha's walk.

"Yes dear?" she answered. Startling him as she was closer than he thought she was. She was holding a cup of coffee in her hand as the other held stacks and stacks of different kind of papers, binders and magazines

"How are things going?" Castle asked hesitantly

"Don't look so worried my boy, things are going splendidly!"

Castle's face lit up "really? You have found a venue?"

Martha raised her finger "no, not yet"

Castle frowned "the essential guests are confirmed?"

"Well no"

"Mother!"

"Hear me out! The venue takes a little more time and planning alright and your lovely daughter is making sure the guests will be there"

Castle let out a breath "alright I am sorry, I am just a bit stressed. I need this to be amazing"

Martha smiled warmly "I know kiddo" as she gently elbowed him as all of her hands are full "it will, alright, I promise. Lanie called me just a few minutes ago. Apparently the dress is stunning, all damages restored"

Castle's smile widened "good, good. I am sorry I didn't trust you"

Martha shook her head "don't apologize just yet, we still have to set all of this up in two days" and let out a huff as she pirouetted on the balls of her feet and walked away in Martha fashion.

* * *

Castle couldn't help but smile. He had knocked on the door of her hospital room but she hadn't answered. Carefully he opened it and was relieved to see that she had just fallen asleep. The baby name book laid open on her stomach. Her fingers still between the pages.

Castle walked in. Careful to not wake her he laid a little plush elephant on her belly and on top of the book.

"Castle?" she suddenly said, her voice a little groggy, startling him yet again. She had felt his hand brush along hers and her cop senses woke her up.

"Hey" he said soft

"What's this?" she smiled and held the plush animal in her fingers. Almost gasping at how soft it was

"It's for him, and for you" as he leaned down to give her peck on the lips.

Kate stopped him from backing away. Her fingers brushing through the soft baby hairs at the nape of his neck.

"Thank you" she eventually said as she was the one now who backed away

"No thank you -" Castle answered her "- thank you for staying alive and keeping our baby safe"

Kate grabbed the little elephant and held it against her chest "I do my best" and reached for the book on her belly "I liked the note"

Castle quirked his eyebrow "note? I've left tons of notes, did you mean the note I left at the name Hunter because -"

Kate shook her head and laughed "no, not that one. At the girls name section"

Castle smiled and shrugged "I thought it was a cute name"

Kate smiled back at him as he sat down on her bed "it is"

There was a silence between them. Both thinking the same thing but neither of them really wanting to say it out loud.

"…so we've never really talked about it" Kate eventually said

"about what?"

"Babies, a family, our family. How many?"

Castle nodded "that's true, except for maybe little Cosmo… I just never wanted you to feel overwhelmed because even though I would _love_ to have a little family with you. I needed for you to know that I wanted to marry _you_ for _you_ not for the possible future offspring"

Kate smiled and grabbed his hand, gently squeezing it "thank you. Honestly I never thought it was in the cards for me"

"why not?"

She shrugged "after my mom died I just gave up on those possible future dreams and I became a cop and I just didn't think there was anyone that I would trust to raise a family with. To show that person my weaknesses. Give myself to that person but then _you_ happened" a shy smile appearing on her face.

Castle let out a deep breath. For the first time in his life he didn't know what to say. She didn't open up to him often but when she did it was so amazingly beautiful.

"Castle?" she carefully said as Kate had been looking at her stunned fiancé for a few seconds

"It's.. I'm just happy" he smiled

"I am sorry I… I was like that. I should have trusted you more. I should have stuck up for you"

"Kate, it's ok. I promise"

"No it's not. I love you Richard Castle. And with love comes trust and I owe you that"

Castle smiled "thank you, I love you too" and finally there was a weight lifted off his shoulders he hadn't even realized he had.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! :)**


	10. Chapter 10 - Diamond

**Wow chapter 10 already? I hope you guys enjoy, It's the wedding :)**

* * *

Kate let out a soft sigh. The morning sun coming through the cream colored see-through drapes felt pleasant on her neck and shoulders and lit up the normally very clinical white hospital room. She looked down at her left hand. The heavy rock around her lean finger entranced her while she swayed her hand, the reflected sun light dancing onto her fingers.

For a long time that same ring felt more like a heavy brick than the beautiful diamond around her finger. It was his disappearance and the desperate search for her fiancé that made such a symbol of love a dark reminder that he wasn't there. That they didn't have their wedding day and that she had no idea if he'd even return to her.

On very dark days where there were no leads and she was curled up in her own bed wearing an old worn shirt of his she even contemplated taking it off. But she knew it didn't matter as it was as painful taking it off as it was to keeping it on. So she decided not to and instead used it as a token to find him. It would have made it too final anyway.

"You ready?" Castle asked, peeking his head around the door. There was a glint in his blue eye and a boyish grin on his face.

"More than ready" she answered a big smile forming on her face, knowing he was there to finally pick her up. She had been sitting on the hospital bed waiting for her very soon-to-be husband to return and get her out of there.

"I need some help though" she grunted and reached out her hand for him to grab. Her very pregnant belly preventing her from doing the most ordinary tasks

"Yes of course, of course" Castle said and quickly made his way to her, taking her engagement ring clad hand in his and swiftly pulling her onto her feet. Their bodies were now flush together and Kate took in his comforting and familiar scent. He towered above her now that her heels weren't an option anymore, and he thought it was adorable. Her rounded belly was pressed against his, Kate let go of his grip and pressed the palms of her hands against his chest and looked up into his eyes. Castle dropped his head, his face close to hers but not yet kissing her. She could feel his warm breath tickle her skin. Her slightly dry lips hovered just below his

"Any plans for today?" Castle asked. His voice soft.

Kate smiled as she felt him wrap his arms around her, resting his hands on her lower back.

 _'_ _God, that smile'_ Castle thought, his heart fluttering in his chest.

She hummed "hmm… not really, why?"

Castle shrugged "oh I was going to this wedding and I don't have a date yet"

Kate moved even closer "hmm, really? That's a shame"

Castle didn't even felt like answering anymore as he softly kissed her. Her lips against his so familiar yet oh so exhilarating.

* * *

"Grams, relax!" Alexis called out seeing her grandmother check her watch every five seconds

"Relax? They should have already been here there is a schedule you know!" Martha exclaimed.

Both of them were waiting in the car for them to arrive. Their 'mission' to throw an amazing wedding in only three days had been set in motion. Kate still thought that they were going to city hall. The truth was far from it.

Alexis grinned and shook her head "it's going to be fine. You did amazing".

"Thank you kiddo, if everything just goes around schedule we'll be fine" Martha said out loud trying to calm herself.

Alexis shrugged "except if Kate goes into labor"

Martha turned pale "don't say that! You know I love this new grandchild but if he is gonna screw up my plans…" she exclaimed and dramatically threw her hands in the air before smirking at her granddaughter.

* * *

Kate dreamily looked out of the car window. She was dressed nicer than normal but it wasn't exactly what you would call a wedding dress. Her heart still ached a bit for her mother's dress but today was good. It was right. A wedding wasn't about the dress anyway it was about the one she was actually going to wed.

Kate looked to her left where he was sitting, her hand in his as he randomly would squeeze her hand and she would squeeze it back.

Kate suddenly frowned "is the road blocked?" she asked.

Castle tried to keep his smile hidden "no why?" he answered innocently

"Because this is not the way to the -"

suddenly three smirking faces stared at her

"what's going on?"

"I was already wondering how long it would take you," Alexis said "impressively quick"

Kate frowned at her fiancé "Rick?"

"You really think I'd settle for a city hall wedding? What would we tell our kids? our grandkids? No today needs to be special. I don't want you to wake up one day and regret that we didn't put more effort into this"

Kate's jaw dropped, needing a few seconds to take the new information in "but how? Three days is -"

"not impossible when I plan it, with a little help of course" Martha finished her sentence. Kate was still stunned "but where are we going?"

"you'll see!"

"Castle!" she exclaimed, now a smile on her face

"The Hamptons" Castle answered her, knowing she needed to know at least something.

Kate was still becoming from the surprise but now with a smile plastered on her face as she slowly leaned against her fiancé's shoulder. Her fingers playing with the fabric of his simple dress shirt "thank you" she whispered. Only realizing now how much she wanted this to be more. Kate held her hand in front of her mouth.

* * *

Salty tears ran down her face as she looked at herself in the reflection of the floor length mirror.

"Lanie, I –" she was able to choke out. It was her dress. Her mother's dress and even though her reflection was different for obvious reasons than the first time she wore it, it was all she wanted. She tried wiping her tears away with the back of her hand but it was no use as she silently cursed her pregnancy hormones.

"Katherine, you look absolutely stunning!" Martha exclaimed as she had just walked into the room.

Alexis followed and gasped seeing her soon to be stepmother in the renewed wedding dress "I think you look even more beautiful"

"Thank you, all of you" Kate said grateful and nodded at the three ladies in the room.

There was a comfortable silence as Kate needed some time to adjust to her own image in the mirror.

Martha put her hand on Kate's lower back "dry your tears dear, we need to fix your makeup"

* * *

Kate smiled as a sudden shiver crept up her back.

"Are you ok, Katie?" her father asked who squeezed his daughter's hand that was lying comfortably in his. Their arms already hooked.

"Yeah I'm just –" and shook her head

"- happy? Scared? Hopeful?" Jim tried to finish her sentence.

Kate smiled "all of that yeah"

"Don't worry, you have a good man waiting for you at the end of the isle. I know that now… I'm sorry for not trusting your judgment before"

Kate swallowed "thank you, dad" Jim responded by a nod.

Suddenly the music swelled which was her cue to go. Her heart started beating like crazy as she couldn't help but gasp being led into the living room that for its purpose was remade into a ceremony hall. Martha didn't disappoint. It was surprisingly subtle yet elegant. The theme was white but with specks of gold which gave everything a warm glow and was a beautiful contrast to the cold snow that was outside and also complimented her dress.

Smiling faces were turned to her as she took step by step closer to the person that made it all worth it. Castle beamed with love and pride as he saw her approach him. Her dress draped perfectly around her figure, her hair held up by a pin but soft curled strands framed her face. Her make-up was subtle but he loved that.

"Hi" she whispered a bit shy as she had finally reached him.

"You look –" he breathed out as he placed his hand on his chest and mouthed "gorgeous" as the priest who performed the ceremony interrupted them.

Castle had no idea what the man was talking about as he was entranced by his fiancée with the most gorgeous smile in front of him. They said their vows and were finally able to slip the ring around each other's finger. They vaguely heard the sentence 'you may now kiss the bride' before they dived into each other. Kate cradling his face in her hands as a small chuckle left her lips. Their kiss passionate yet appropriate as they reluctantly let go and faced their cheering families. Castle squeezed her wedding band clad hand in his as he couldn't believe that he now could call Kate Beckett his wife. _His wife_.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading x**


	11. Chapter 11 - No, Cosmo

**Sorry for the long wait, I have just been really struggling with personal problems and my internship but I am ok now :) This chapter is quite a fluff fest, I am sorry to the people who were expecting angst. I hope you enjoy and let me know!**

* * *

"Kate, please just go and sit down! I can handle it!" Castle begged his wife.

Kate looked over her shoulder at her in pajamas clad husband and shook her head as she broke an egg against the edge of the cooking pan that was sputtering with heated butter filling the apartment with its pleasant scent.

"Come on husband, let me make you breakfast. I _am_ your wife now" she said with a grin and held up her hand with the new and shiny wedding ring on her finger.

Shivers went down his spine, the realization of them _finally_ being married was still exhilarating to him to this day, even when weeks had already passed since their wedding day. But he wouldn't let himself get distracted so easily

"But you are 9 months pregnant! You shouldn't be on your feet" Castle said frustrated as he tried to take over the cooking.

"So? I feel fine!" she said as she threw the eggshells in the garbage disposal after cracking another egg and bumped her hip against his to give him no space to interfere. "just sit down, please, it's just eggs you can do the rest I promise," and looked at the mess she had already made in the kitchen " _even_ the cleaning up" she chuckled.

"Fine" Castle sighed

"So do you want these scrambled?" she asked as she poked the eggs with her spatula.

"Whatever you prefer" he said as he sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen table and observed her.

Even when making eggs she managed to look so elegant and poised, it baffled him. He smirked at the sight of her enormous over 9-month old bump that was barely covered by her (rephrase that _his_ ) shirt with an apron stretched tight over the mount of her stomach, the knot behind her back clearly straining. She wore sleep shorts that in bed would bunch up at her hips, the fabric pushed down by the curve of her stomach which combined with a tank top (that hadn't been able to cover her entire stomach since month 8) resulted in a large piece of naked skin that he was always _very_ tempted to kiss whenever she was awake, or to wake her up with… Which was Kate's favorite thing to get up to nowadays. Then when got out of bed she'd always grab a discarded shirt of his and wore it like she was doing now, standing in the kitchen, with his shirt covering her entire frame making it look like she didn't wear anything underneath which turned him on more than he was willing to admit. Not even caring that down her long gorgeous legs there were fuzzy slippers at her feet.

Castle smiled as he got off his chair to prepare the rest of their breakfast by setting the table and making toast.

Kate had a smile on her face. Even though she was more than annoyed that their child was overdue and everything in her body was aching because of it, she promised herself to just enjoy this little alone time she still had with her new husband before their little one arrived.

Kate turned the fire down and scooped the eggs onto their plates and walked, _ok full on waddled_ , to her husband and placed the plate in front of him. Castle expected her to sit down but she didn't yet instead she just stared into nothing as her eyebrows knitted together.

"How are you feeling?" Castle's asked, interrupting her thoughts, as she felt his warm hand against her protruding belly.

Kate smiled at him but she was still frowning as she laid her hand on top of his "I don't know, but I think today is the day"

"Are you having contractions?!" Castle gasped

"No, no. Nothing like that I just feel," as she let go of his hand and took her apron off "different"

"Good different, I hope?"

Kate nodded "yeah definitely"

Castle gave her his most radiant smile, making him look almost childlike and grabbed the stool next to him, patting the seat. "well then you'll need your breakfast, come on"

* * *

"Come on, baby, don't you want to come out?," Kate sang. As she was, again, refolding all of the onesies, socks, blankets, bibs and other baby stuff for the hundredth time since she was on maternity leave "life isn't so bad out here, I promise"

Nesting seemed the only thing that would calm her nerves about her impending motherhood now that she was on maternity leave, missing the distraction her work provided.

She sighed and sat down in the rocking chair that was placed in the corner of the, now finally finished, nursery and used her royally sized stomach as a surface to fold the tiny pieces of clothing on that piled up next to her.

She held up one of the onesies, her favorite, the material was so soft between her fingers and the little horizontal blue stripes and the wooden buttons across it made it simple yet so damn cute. It was a gift from her father and the first piece of clothing their son had gotten.

She bit her lip. Of course thinking about her dad becoming a first time grandfather made her think of her mother. It was hard that her mom wasn't there to share her personal stories and wisdoms with her, especially now she was so close to the birth and she was getting anxious. Not that she didn't get enough (unsolicited) advice from her chirpy mother-in-law, but her heart was still aching.

She swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat and quickly folded the last piece of clothing before absent mindedly looking out of the window caressing her stomach, her son was clearly making his presence known by kicking her in the ribs and other unpleasant places and she slowly felt her eyelids droop. Fatigue taking over.

* * *

"Hey are you ok?" a sudden voice came from her left which made her jump up in her chair.

Kate swallowed and rubbed her eyes "yeah, yeah I guess I drifted off"

"You were crying" Castle said in a soft tone.

Kate frowned and wiped her wet cheeks "guess I was" she answered with a faint smile.

"You know you can talk to me right?"

Kate smiled and grabbed his hand that was still placed on her shoulder and squeezed it gently "I know, I just miss my mom"

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

"Really, it's ok," she sighed, and looked at the framed picture of her mother with herself as an infant in her arms that her father had brought her to hang in the nursery "she would have loved this baby so much, you know"

Castle nodded as he pulled one of the pieces of baby clothing from the folded pile and played with the buttons as he admired the small size of it, in awe that his soon to be born son will fit in them.

"I can't imagine she wouldn't," he breathed out, "this baby has already wrapped _me_ and everyone else around his tiny fingers and he hasn't even been born yet" he said smiling and kissed on top of his wife's head, picking up the remaining pile of baby clothes and putting them back in the many drawers.

Kate sighed "you're going to let me be the 'bad cop' in this whole parenting thing, huh?" and stuck out her arms for him to grab and pull her out of her chair. Castle took her hands in his and got her onto her feet, a little wobbly but she found her balance.

He held her close, his arms wrapped around her waist, he shook his head before placing a tender but firm kiss on her lips "I won't. We are partners, we're both in this and this baby is going to love you as much as I do" he whispered after breaking the kiss, and rested his forehead against hers.

Kate smiled "that's a lot of love"

"I am just happy I get to do this again with someone-," he paused and then faintly smiled "with someone I actually truly trust and love"

Kate placed her hand on his cheek "thank you for being here, for returning to me… to us" she said and kissed him again "for being my husband" she added whispery

"always"

* * *

"I thought you said today was the day" Castle smirked as he put his book down and pushed his reading glasses on top of his head. He used to be ashamed of his glasses until Kate told him he looked _very_ sexy in them and now wore them around the house more than needed, not in the precinct yet though, knowing the boys would tease him mercilessly.

It was late in the evening and they were both lounging on the bed, Kate was lying next to him with her back towards him and sighed out "don't tease me, tell your kid to come out"

Castle laughed "now he is _my_ kid huh?," Kate just replied with a grunt "and how do you propose I'd do that?"

"I don't know, give him an eviction notice or something" she grumped and struggled as she slowly turned around to him.

Castle glanced at the bedside clock and leaned in towards his wife's belly

"Ok buddy," he said "you still have two hours before this day is over and your mom loves you very much but she is getting a little stir crazy so it is time for you to move out," Castle could see her belly move which looked a bit alien like, not that he would tell her that "your room is ready, we are ready and your mom has folded your clothes over a hundred times now,"

"Castle!" Kate laughed and gave him a playful slap against his arm

"- and she is getting aggressive towards your poor old man so what do you think, huh?"

Kate was still laughing as they were both waiting for a response but this time they weren't met with any movements.

Kate sighed "nice try babe, it just made him fall asleep, I guess I was wrong, today isn't the day" as she placed her hand on her aching back, trying to relieve herself from the aching.

"Tomorrow" Castle smiled encouragingly and gave her a peck on the lips.

Kate sighed "I'm going to sleep"

* * *

"Castle!" Kate exclaimed as she grabbed his arm, her nails digging into his flesh.

"What? What!" he jumped up after being ripped from his dreams so abruptly

"Look at the clock!"

Castle rubbed his eyes as the light of the red number pierced his eyes "11.55" he said still oblivious.

Kate slapped his chest "don't you get it! I was right! Today is the day!"

"Today is – oh my god!" he now exclaimed and pulled the blankets off and turned the lights on as a big wet spot had formed around his wife's lower body.

"You're in labor?" he said excited being entranced by the image in front of him

"Yes! Now help me get out of bed I am soaked"

"Oh yes! of course, of course!" he said and jumped out of bed and got to her side as he helped her up

"Help me out of my clothes" she grunted as she felt a sudden contraction hitting her.

Castle nodded and kneeled before pulling her pants down as she dug her nails into her shoulders

"This is normally way sexier"

"Castle, please" she breathed out as the contraction finally ebbed away

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I joke when I get anxious" and quickly grabbed new underpants and some freshly washed sweat pants for her to wear.

"I know," Kate said forcing a smile as he helped her step into the pant legs "but please, I need you now"

Castle stood up "you're right," he said as he leaned in to kiss her "I am sorry but Kate,"

"hmm?"

"we're having a baby" he whispered.

Kate smiled, before her face turned into a grimace after another contraction hit her "- and very soon too" she said through gritted teeth.

"We still need to decide on a name" he said picking up the hospital bag they had packed and prepared months ago.

Kate nodded "Whatever happens Castle,"

"What?" he responded, and helped her get her coat on

"No, Cosmo"

Castle laughed, "ok no Cosmo," as he grabbed his keys "ok, we're ready, let's go!"

"Castle… you're still in your pajamas"

"oh, right"

* * *

 **Next chapter I promise there will be a baby born! I just wanted to take my time and dedicate a whole chapter to it. Thanks for reading! x**


	12. Chapter 12 - Push, push, push!

**Hi guys! I am pretty sure this is the longest chapter i've ever written for this story. And like I promised it's finally the birth! Enjoy!**

* * *

She knew childbirth hurt, she wasn't naïve but she was _not_ prepared for this kind of excruciating pain. Sweat drops had mixed with silent tears as they rolled down her cheeks. Castle grabbed her hand in his as she squeezed trying to relieve herself from the pain by inflicting some to her husband. Castle winced but didn't make a sound. If breaking a few fingers was what it took to bring comfort to his wife he was willing the sacrifice.

"Kate," Castle said as he saw her slump down in the bed again and simultaneously let go of the strong grip on his hand, knowing that her contraction had momentarily subsided.

She didn't answer him, just hummed and turned her head to look at him, taking deep breaths to collect herself again.

"I wouldn't think less of you if you the epidural," he said in a soothing voice "I hate seeing you in this much pain"

Kate managed a smile and massaged his soar hand with her thumb and shook her head "I can't explain it but…" she answered him with a raspy voice "I just need to be fully present for this and I don't want to take any risks with this baby" as she followed the curve of her stomach with her hands.

Castle slowly nodded and kissed on top of her head "you are extraordinary"

Before Kate could answer, her doctor walked in "how are you doing?" she asked with a sympathetic smile as she checked her patient's files and got updated by a nurse. She was a brunette, her hair color slightly darker than Kate's with big black rimmed glasses and friendly eyes.

"I'm doing ok, for now" Kate breathed out.

Her doctor, doctor Michaels, slowly nodded "Look if the pain is getting too much – "

"No, no drugs" she interrupted her doctor as she shook her head.

"No, don't worry Mrs. Castle you've made that very clear but we can try other methods of relieving the pain"

Kate blinked "what are you suggesting?"

"We could try the tub, it relieves a lot of the pressure you're feeling"

Kate groaned, she herself wouldn't have described it as _pressure_ more like almost numbing agonizing pain.

She frowned in thought "I don't know…"

"Come on Kate, I didn't pay _this_ price for nothing" Castle said jokingly, he was willing to try anything to not see his wife in this much pain.

As she contemplated she soon felt another contraction take over her body, feeling like she was being ripped apart from the inside. "Ok, ok let's try the tub" she breathed out. Fingers clawing into the bed sheets.

* * *

The new room she was taken to smelled pleasant. The light had been dimmed so it wasn't as bright as the previous room. Castle insisted on paying for the best private room that was available to them. Kate was _very_ grateful he did.

"This is already so much better" she said with a faint smile as Castle helped her towards the specially made birth bathtub and out of her current clothes.

She was stripped of her clothes until she was only wearing a simple black sports bra that gave her a sense of modesty even though she was naked from the bottom down. Castle helped her step over the edge with some help of a nurse by supporting her weight with his arms and chest as she slowly set foot in the warm, perfectly heated, water. Her hand holding onto him tight as she was lowered into the tub.

Kate breathed out relieved as her tensed muscles seemed to finally able to relax. "God, I should have done this hours ago" she groaned, feeling so much lighter by the water and took a moment as she closed her eyes, taking in her new environment.

The nurse smiled "many women love the feeling of being in the water, you can also choose to give birth in there if you want"

Kate looked up at the smiling nurse and bit her lip "I don't- I don't know," she contemplated. Kate suddenly realized she didn't know the name of the nurse that had helped her from the start "um I'm sorry what's your name?"

The nurse removed the fabric that was hanging over her name tag "my name's Johanna" she said with the same everlasting smile on her face.

Kate swallowed and eyed her husband

"Well thank you… Johanna, we'll let you know" Castle answered.

Johanna nodded and left the room.

"It's a sign" Castle said smiling as he could visibly see his wife relax in the water.

Kate smirked "it's a very common name"

"still…"

"yeah it's a bit – oh god" she said gritting her teeth again as she was unable to mutter another word feeling the burning sensation spread through her body as another contraction hit her. This time it felt more manageable though. Not that it didn't hurt like hell, but at least she didn't feel like dying anymore.

Castle spoke soothing words to her, she didn't really know what he was saying to her and frankly she didn't care, but his voice was nice and deep and it helped her concentrate on something else than the pain.

"I swear," she said panting after her contraction had subsided "being shot in the chest hurt less"

Castle grunted as the image of her lying on the grass bleeding out in front of him formed in his mind "at least the outcome will be a lot nicer"

Kate faintly smiled "yeah, true" as she massaged her faded bullet wound between her breasts.

"So," Castle said as he removed a wet strand of hair from her face and pushed it behind her ear "do you want to give birth here or back on the bed?"

Kate sighed "I feel the bath is a bit awkward but… the thought of getting out of here seems impossible"

"if it's too much I can climb in there with you?"

Kate let out a stifled laugh "yeah no, thank you, it's cramped enough in here"

"I thought you liked seeing me naked?" Castle teased

"not when I am trying to push out our melon sized son"

"Hmm, point taken"

Before they could continue their banter doctor Michaels walked in with a smile on her face "better?" she asked as she walked closer to her patient. Seeing how she had visibly relaxed in the water.

"Much, much better" Kate breathed out and gave the doctor a faint smile.

"Good I'm glad, I just wanted to check how far you are dilated"

Kate nodded "yes, of course" as she silently prayed that it would soon be over and she could hold that tiny baby in her arms.

* * *

"Ok Kate, you are doing amazing, keep breathing and push, push, push!" doctor Michaels spoke encouraging at her patient.

Kate had remained in the tub after she got the clear that she was allowed to _finally_ push. She had tried to get out, wanting to go for the more 'traditional' way of giving birth, but the pain was too overwhelming, besides the water soothed her and the burning sensation feeling herself stretch was a lot less intense.

Castle's face was full of wonder, excitement and panic. He held her hand as she pushed as hard as she could before falling back down. Her wet sweaty hair clung to her face that was red from exertion. "you hear that? You're doing amazing!"

Kate grunted, her eyes closed as she tried to recover from a very strong contraction "I don't feel amazing" she muttered. Preparing herself for the next one.

"Don't worry Kate, I promise you are very close," Doctor Michaels said with a encouraging smile "I can see the top of his head! He has a full head of dark hair"

"You hear that?" Castle gasped as he smiled at his wife. "I would have been worried if he was a blonde though" he joked.

Kate closed her eyes again but a faint smile appeared on her face. He was always able to lift her spirits when she most needed it, that was one of the things she loves about him.

"Can dad take a look?" the doctor asked Kate. Not wanting her to feel uncomfortable.

Castle looked at her "if you don't want me too, I-"

"It's fine, it's fine," she whispered "just keep holding my hand ok"

Castle gave her a nod and maneuvered to doctor Michaels "oh my god Kate, she wasn't kidding you are so far! He's almost here!"

Kate felt tears roll down her cheeks "Castle please join me"

"in the water? I thought you -"

"just… please I need you to hold me" she whimpered.

"is it ok?" he asked their doctor

"it's fine, just go sit behind her"

Castle quickly stripped except for his shirt and boxers and moved in behind her so her back was against his chest as he got used to the water. Kate leaned her head against his shoulder "thank you" she whispered

"we're partners, remember?"

Kate nodded as she felt another contraction take over her body "no Castle, thank you for," as she took a deep breath nearly ready to push again "coming back" she muttered.

"wouldn't miss it for the world" he answered as he held her body as she started to push again with all of her strength. Castle couldn't believe the energy and willpower she possessed to keep doing this without the painkillers. Feeling more and more grateful by the second.

Kate slumped back against his chest again "Castle I'm sorry, I can't – I just…" she sobbed.

"almost there," he whispered in her ear as he brushed the sticky hair from her face "we can almost hold our son, our baby boy"

"I know you're exhausted Kate, just one more strong push and you're there" she vaguely heard her doctor say from the other end.

Kate nodded. Ignoring once again the exhaustion and pain that had taken over her body as she gave her all while doing that last strong push. She felt instant relieve as the head was finally out.

"He's here! Just one little push for the shoulders and you can hold your son!"

Kate pushed once again, a lot less strong this time as she was still recovering from the previous one but it did the trick and she felt her baby slip from her body. He was quickly held up by doctor Michaels and started wailing once he was lifted from the water and placed onto his mother's chest.

"Good job, Kate!" she vaguely heard saying as her whole surrounding seemed to disappear. Everything was a haze except for her beautiful baby boy cradled in her arms and her husband solid frame behind her as they cooed and said nonsensical words towards the wailing little boy. Like doctor Michaels had said he had a poof of dark brown hair on top of his head. His face was scrunched from crying and he was still covered with goo but he was the most beautiful creature she has ever seen in her life. Not even noticing as she was being delivered from the after birth and the umbilical cord was cut. So fully entranced by her son.

"He's amazing, you're amazing, I-" Castle commented with a lump in his throat as he felt tears roll down his cheek. Gently stroking his newborn son's head.

Their son finally calmed down as he opened his eyes and observed his parents "hi baby boy" Kate cooed. "I'm your mommy" as she let out a sob. Realizing the weight of the statement "I'm a mom" she said in awe as she held her newborn closer.

"Kate?" she heard nurse Johanna speak "Kate? Can we take him for a second, we just want to check if he's alright and we can get you dried and cleaned up" she said softly as she held out her arms. Kate didn't feel like letting go but she knew it was the right thing as she hesitantly handed over her precious baby.

"It's alright Kate" Castle whispered. Kate nodded as her arms felt eerily empty. Already missing the weight that is her son as she just realized that this was the first time in over 9-months that she was separated from her baby.

* * *

It took a few tries but he finally latched on. Suckling happily as his starfish like hands pawed at the swell of her breast. Kate looked down in awe, unable to explain how she felt.

"So we agree on the name?" Castle asked with a permanent smile on his face as he sat beside her on the hospital bed.

Kate smiled and nodded "yes, Xander James Castle"

Castle's face lit up "I just love it"

With a smile Kate looked at her husband before returning her focus to her little boy that was slowly falling asleep. "You know, I wanted to name him after you when you were still…" and shook her head. Not wanting to say it out loud "and I am glad we still sort of do"

Castle raised his eyebrows "you wanted to name him Richard?"

"Richard junior" she said and blushed "or RJ, so he had a piece of you if you'd never return to us"

Castle closed his eyes and took a deep breath before planting a kiss on the top of her head "I'm sorry, so sorry Kate. I wish I knew what happened, I wish…"

"No, Castle, stop. We're here. We are together and we have this beautiful, amazing and healthy little baby. That is all that matters"

Castle smiled proudly "he is perfect, isn't he?"

Kate nodded as she slowly removed her son from her breast as he had fallen asleep on her "Castle could you help my top back on? I want to look at least a bit modest before the family visits"

Castle laughed and nodded as he tied the hospital garment behind her back. Kate snuggled baby Xander to her chest again as she watched him sleep. Leaning in closer so she could smell that precious and intoxicating scent of a newborn, _her_ newborn.

"you ready? I mean, for our family to come in?"

Kate looked up and gave him a beaming smile "more than, I want Xander to meet his new family"

Castle jumped up from the bed and walked towards the door, turning around for a second to mentally save the picture before him of his wife with their newborn son before walking through the door to fetch his family and friends.

* * *

"God, Richard, he looks just like you when you were a baby," Martha cooed with her new grandson in her arms "and a name starting with an X, I just love it!"

"He is gorgeous, Katie" Jim said as he squeezed his daughter's shoulder. The moment they told her father that his grandson was named after him he was barely able to contain his tears "you didn't have to, you, I- he had muttered as he held his grandson for the first time. "God, I wish your mom was here to witness this" he eventually said. Kate nodded, still feeling very emotional from the hormones rushing through her body "I know dad, me too"

Alexis took over her new baby brother from her grandmother and smiled "I can't believe after so many years of wanting to have a sibling I finally have a brother" she said elated and gently swayed him in her arms. Nurses had changed baby Xander in one of the onesies that Alexis had brought with her which was pale blue with little grey elephants. They agreed it was the most perfect first outfit for him to wear, especially combined with the matching little hat that covered most of the dark tuft of hair.

Castle could see his wife giving in to the exhaustion, unable to keep her eyes open "are you ok? I can ask them to leave" he whispered to her, leaning into the bed.

Kate let out a yawn and shook her head "where are Lanie and the boys?"

"They decided to come tomorrow so you can rest and have time with the family"

"but they are family" she muttered half asleep.

"it's ok, they know" he said before clearing his throat "I am sorry you guys but the new mom here needs her rest"

They all nodded

"Of course, of course" Jim said as walked over to his daughter and kissed on top of her head "I am so proud of you"

"thank you dad"

"Get your rest sweetheart, you'll need it" Martha said warmly as Alexis walked over and handed over her little brother to his mom "there you go"

"thank you Alexis" Kate said as she felt the comforting weight of her son back in her arms as her family silently left, elated with the news of their new family member "we'll be back tomorrow" Martha quickly added before closing the door behind her.

Kate breathed out and looked at her sleeping son "I love him so much, Rick. I now understand what you meant when you told me about the day Alexis was born. Nothing prepares you"

"It's quite a lot huh"

"It's everything" she yawned again.

"Here give him to me, I'll let you get some sleep"

Kate nodded as she let him take her son from her. She felt so light and even though she was still very sore from child birth she was more than relieved that she was able to move her body again without the weight of having her child inside.

Her eyes started to droop "I don't want to sleep, I just want to look at him" she sighed "but I am so tired"

"he'll be here when you wake up, let me have some one-on-one time with my boy" Castle said and winked at her.

Kate slowly nodded "ok you guys bond I am just gonna-" and fell asleep before she could even finish her own sentence.

* * *

 **I hope you like the name. I thought it was a cute combination of his father's and his sister's name :) I am not sure how long this story will be and how many chapters will be added. Let me know if you guys still read and are interested. If not i'll just write one more and call it quits. Thanks for reading! x**


End file.
